Payday loans

If you don't know what pay day loans are, it's exactly what they it sounds like. You can go into a place that will loan you money if you have proof of employment in your last pay stub and they will forward you money to pay them back when you get paid. Unfortunately, America is a country that profits off of debt so Payday Loan places are a dime a dozen. Where is some places are trying to make them illegal or at least limit them, there are too many states and cities that are trying to have an abundance of them.

Payday Loan places are very predatory, and are usually aimed at the impoverished community. Instead of teaching people how to budget and manage their finances, it's more profitable to have the interest in the payday loans paid instead.

I know that not every place has these. And there are probably a lot of places that have had these that have made them illegal, or extremely limited. America needs to stop profiting off of debt, and completely eradicated payday loan systems. And student that, but that's a different story for a different time.

Garnet is the superior parent for Steven

why do people think Pearl is the better of the three mothers for Steven? She almost let him die twice, almost got Connie killed, and almost killed Steven. And she didn't spare him because he's Stephen, she spared him because he's half Rose. She's made it clear on multiple occasions that she is not safe to be left alone with impressionable or vulnerable people.

amethyst is arguably also just as dangerous, but in a very different way. Her lack of self-care and self-reflection makes her dangerous to herself and others around her, but she has never willingly almost killed Steven or almost let him die. But it is arguable that she has almost gotten Steven killed. that rises the question that if opal were a permafusion would he be safe with her?

Speaking of perma fusions, The only other person aside from Greg that has proven themselves to be better for Stevens physical health is garnet. She has never almost killed him, never almost let him die, and never almost got him killed. In fact, she had an identity crisis and almost went crazy before simply realizing that Steven didn't need her help and protection like he used to. One could argue that she was obsessed with protecting him!

ironically enough, he became his own Catalyst trying protecting the other two from the one who was protecting him the most. Although garnet's love usually takes a physical form, there have been multiple occasions where she's been there for him emotionally, when the other two have emotionally or mentally manipulated him. And we already know that he isn't safe with the other fusions. He's not safe with sardonyx because of Pearl and he's not safe with sugilite because of amethyst. Obviously, he's not necessarily safe with Alexandrite. He's not even safe with Ruby or Sapphire separately. He's only safe with Garnet, aside from Greg. But I am willing to concede that without the other two he would have very limited character growth, because of the previously mentioned aspect that Garnet would be obsessed with protecting him. She was very undeniably that we're done shaky mix of stepping back and letting him grow, but still often caging him in to a roll of weakness. she wouldn't allow the others to put him down, but when she said stop it was time to stop. But, in all fairness, that went for everyone.

I'm not taking away from the fact that they all work together to help Steven grow and all play intricate rolls. I'm just saying that as far as picking one has to go, the Superior choice is obviously Garnet -for better and for worse. Not to suggest that Garnet would be appropriate directly partnered with Greg in the rearing of Steven. That's a HARD NO!

Active town, commuter train

For a few weeks I was having a recurring dream of being in a seemingly small but very lively town. The town had a lot of glowing aspects but one thing that was very out of the ordinary was it had a commuter train that only came at night after most things closed that took first generation East Asian immigrants out to what could be realistically interpreted as suburb. It seemed like it take hours to get there because the sun would be up at the location and that they were going to. I wasn't able to make it to the train in every dream, but if I did make it the dream would stop before we got to the stop where the people are going. from what I could tell out the window, it was a place that was offset from water, like an island and it was either a town or a city but it was a place where only they lived and they came into the town where my dream initially would take place to work, I assume. it looks like a beautiful place to be, but I was never able to get off the train to see it. At least not that I remember.

Seeing the pleasure I was told

Things didn't end like I wanted them to, but they didn't have to. My tarot reading ended with the six of cups, is that a call. It was something of Cups, even if that isn't the exact one. And I'm definitely feeling it now.

I'm going to live in a place that is a better fit for me, and I'm going to have a job that I like doing one of the many things that I enjoy! And right now, I'm in a position where I can afford to change jobs, because I'm not paying rent.

I grieflessly acknowledged that the way I wanted things in the way things are supposed to be were definitely two different paths. I'm supposed to be happy with my housing and job situations, not constantly fighting for them. Even though the long-term situations have yet to start, they already have much better outlooks in the past situations I've been in.

7 jobs since March

Since March 17th, I'm going to be on my 7th job. I'm going to start with the cleaning company that I'm very excited about, and they asked for a year-long commitment. I don't have any foreseeable things in the way, but hopefully I can commit to it! And if I can't, I tried!

I was hoping to be able to come back and just have one job, and now I'm on seven! This is going to be super painful for my taxes, trying to keep up with all the W-2 forms in the event my past employers aren't as on the ball as they should be.

And on this last job one co-worker stole from me while we were still in training, and two other coworkers are super ignorant misogynistic parents. it's no wonder how I got us some of these jobs so quickly, but the worst definitely had to be the liquor store! That is the decline of humanity! That got me to quit drinking!

I'm not looking forward to January but whatever happens needs to happen by April. I'll just take all the W2s I have and say "fuck it" to the rest, when it's close to the deadline. and I'm not going to wait till the last minute to make my tax filing appointment, either.

But usually employers know better than that, I just hate that I have so many to deal with.

A week stay and a 3 day job

I had a friend that let me stay with them for a while, but I can only stay for a week because the roommates were super weird and freaking out about a stranger being in the house. One of them was a white male and the others were going along with him, which doesn't sound very different from any other situation about white male Supremacy. I really don't care what your problem is when you getting ready to kick me out in the cold for literally no reason.

Transitioning from white men to black women: I quit my job after 3 days For two reasons. The company is terrible. Completely disorganized, their stuff doesn't work, and it's not worth the money to have to sit at a desk. I would rather be doing something with my time, and actually working. I also had their own issues with white supremacy with their boss telling us that since she's the one who's paying this we should listen to her, and yelled across the room at people that were talking loud. On to my ignorant co-workers, two black mothers that are totally down with the colonial heteropatriarchy white supremacy, and they don't even know it. You got onto the topic of children and I knew that they were a shitshow and one of them said at the "you can't love an adopted child the way you can love your own" bit. I'm sorry you lack the capacity and compassion to truly love someone, but don't put your issues on me.

But it really devolved when we got into the conversation that went into boys will be boys when they were talking about their sons grabbing girls butts. One of them openly admitted that she didn't care about what happened to the girl, she cared about what the girl would go back and tell her parents and that her son to be arrested. They're not teaching their sons to respect girls and women. They're more interested in teaching their sons not to get caught. And it's really disappointing to me with both of these people were girls at one point in their lives. they also said that they wanted their children to express interest in girls so they wouldn't be gay. So they're picking and choosing with their sexualizing about children, as well. speaking of which, they said that I would be making my child gay and fucking up their lives by taking them to a child psychologist if I decided to resolve the behavior using that method. Of course, they continue to misgender me and practically threatened me with childbirth, and how it would change my perspective on everything and that my idea of how children act is completely unrealistic.

This kind of stuff makes me ready to give up on black people. I know that most of them don't think like I do and conceited to being products of their environment, unlike myself. I find that most black people really aren't trying to think of anything outside the box that white supremacy gave them. but I'm definitely going to be in active advocate for girls taking self-defense classes, because now I personally know parents that don't give a shit about girls.

My "last day" at "work"

Today got off to a great start and then crashed and burned! but I'm still in one piece and I have my house, so I won't complain too much. 🍷

I got on the bus and a list to the polls, worked my way around the ID kerfuffle to be able to get the job that starts on the 12th, and went to my volunteer gig. There's no way around having to get a copy of my birth certificate and having to pay almost $100 for everything that it requires. But it's best I don't run around with an expired ID. Apparently having an expired out of state ID makes you less of an American citizen. Colonialism, am I right?

I was fortunate to be able to work around it for the sake of employment, but I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to get away with much. Fortunately, my voter ID card was good enough identification because it has its own number!

And I actually quit my job last night, but it came in for the volunteer portion. Being paid would have subjected me to the elements while bus/ spot canvassing, while doing the phone and text banking as volunteer experience would have me sitting cozy in a building with mostly like-minded people, and food! It's the get out to vote movement that's important, not how I do it. I said to hell with that $15 an hour for only 3 hours and did a 5 hours of text Banking, and I feel like I got a lot more done! I listen to music, I ate food, and didn't have to worry about where I was using the restroom!

And of course the co-director came down and asked me how was canvassing was, and I told him that I decided to forego the paid position due to the weather and text bank as a volunteer to be indoors. You really should have seen the look on his face. People are always surprised what I'm willing to sacrifice for my own comfort. And a black person told a white man he can keep his money and they aren't going to do what he wants them to do. This was wonderful for a lot of different reasons! Fortunately, that person was heading in as I was heading out!

I got a bottle of Ruby port, and after that is when things fell apart. It was really just that dumb Lyft driver that I hope no one has to suffer through. He doesn't know the area, he majorly lacks communication skills, and really shouldn't be a local driver to the area. I complained and got a refund, but after I already wasted 30 minutes that I could have been spent being closer to getting back to where I'm currently staying about 30 minutes earlier! And, of course, I still had to take public transportation. I just wanted a quick quiet ride home without fluorescent lights and dirty floors and seats - but apparently that was too much to ask of this bum rush City. The bus was fine, but the train is always messy in one car or another - mine tonight had chicken pieces in it. but I got back to where I'm staying safe and sound. I'm watching internet videos under a nice warm heater with a cup of Rudy Port. I may eat some food. I'll deal with whatever their election results are tomorrow. Right now, it's time for rest. 🍗🐟🍷🌌🏙️🌃🚿🛁🛏️📱

2619 no more

I've processed my feelings about what happened already. Lenard and Patricia are white devils, and 2619 Cedar Avenue South is no longer my home because of it. Of course I want them to suffer for what they've done, but it really makes no difference to me whether they suffer or not. And evil people have a way of lasting a long time. But, house could collapse. The faulty wiring could be ignited. Wood can rot. Pipes can bust. They would suffer more from buying the house and then suddenly being homeless due to a disaster, then my original go to of just dying painful deaths. Truth be told, they will always be suffering. They're both so engrossed in how traumatized they are, trauma and disasters pretty much their life. That sounds like suffering to me.

I haven't woken up with bug bites on my face since I left the house. I don't have to worry about mice being nestled in my clothes and trash. There has been no people yelling in this neighborhood, no gunshots, and no ert sirens. I knew that most any area I would move to would be better than 26th and Cedar because of the nature of that area. It's absolute chaos, and really no one should be forced to live in such a polluted environment.

No one except them. white people should definitely lived in the traumatized area that they have systematically set up for poor people of color.

This bitch right here! (Getting called a misogynist)

I left work and came home early, due to a lot of different things. The room was really sharp today and I didn't even feel good about that because of how people are addressing each other. well first of all, I walked in on my co-workers listening to a podcast by the biphobic piece of shit, himself, Dan Savage. We talked about that issue, and that was fine. I just knew that things were going downhill from there, even though my coworkers were super supportive.

the main event was when it got to my turn to do the checking, and I went into Halloween because that's my jam! I talked about Halloween costume ideas, and how I hate pre-packaged store-bought costumes. It's not that I even went on a tirade. I gave more attention to my costume ideas for the year. people talk about how expensive costumes are, but you can go to a thrift store and throw on some ensembles together to make a costume. I also learned about the term "closet cosplay", which I totally appreciate! and the last thing I said was "even if it's a catsuit put something on it that you did yourself or through together yourself and be a sexy cat!" and a person that I have had two less than 5 minute conversations with open need to boast how offended she was about how objectifying sexy cats are two women.

My complete thought was "even though a sexy cat is simple in generic, I have more respect for something that someone threw together rather than a preset store-bought costume, no matter how simple or run-of-the-mill it is." But this overly sensitive Sudan felt the need to turn my vague comment into a objectifying, misogynistic threat. And yes, those are the words that she used. Of course, I told her off at the table as quickly as she confronted me, but I have no appreciation for someone who is willing to publicly humiliate someone over some bullshit like this!

Adventure Time and puberty?

Unpopular opinion: Adventure Times discussion and handling of puberty was executed poorly.

I am in favor of leaving the topic of puberty to shows that are willing to fully discuss it and explore it across gender and sex spectrums.

Having the representation of a  white male that doesn't even know what it's like to be human, with a misguided mindset influenced by recent breakups and the loss of a limb and undesirable revelations of a long lost parent is a huge discredit to the audience.

Finn is also surrounded by mutants and/or aliens. looking at that particular episode from different types of angles, isn't so much about puberty as much as it is about making misguided decisions based on emotional and mental trauma. It's about vices and addiction, but mixed with puberty because the protagonist is a teenager.

and it was really nothing else they could do, because Finn smoking and drinking would have been too much for the target audience. but we have such a basic and misguided and very understated view of addiction and vices. A person can be addicted to literally anything. but addiction comes from a feeling of isolation. Even though Finn wasn't alone he felt alone and empty. I wish Adventure Time had just gone for that and did something else, rather than mixing it into the puberty scheme. and I kind of did with the tower, but the isolating attention-seeking could have done more than just trying to make out with everyone which turned into a puberty and underscored sexual thing.

Admittedly, there is no real PG13 way to handle puberty. It's an adult subject that adults don't experience. We experience things along before adulthood that we consider "adult content", and that's something we need to admit to ourselves and abolish to be able to properly educate people going through it and make the point clear.

Or maybe it would have been better if they had handled puberty singularly, and not mixed in the other heavy mental and emotional things that we're going on at the same time. But, with the way Adventure Time usually handled certain things, I feel like they should have left it alone completely.

Selling the house

We have been informed that the landlord has sold the house. I freaked out for some good few hours about it. I apologized and cried to the 2 older house mates (that turned out to be moving out anyway). I have my feelings and my reasons, but if this is where we part ways, I don't want it to end with us glaring and avoiding each other in public.

But, before I go, I want to see the legitimate paperwork as proof of sales. Selling a house is nothing that happens suddenly. We should have been informed that the house was going on the market, so we would have had a chance to offer a bid first because we already live here. But the house didn't even officially go on the market, according to the internet. And the house has been remortgage, it seems dubious for the landlord to have the legal right to privately sell it. Additionally, the house was never shown to anyone.

I also asked for the new person's information to see if the new landlord would be okay with us living here. If this cat's a lair, we're going to find out very quickly.

Validation

I've been talking to people about what happened with my housemates, and in talking about it - I've come to terms with how I could have done things differently. I need to work on being my better person, for people I feel deserve it. I don't feel that way about this situation, however. I don't feel like these are people that deserve it. Maybe it's not so much their age, as much as it is the one person that knows how much drama has already been in this house, and intentionally and selfishly brought in another dramatic person.

 I've considered that maybe I would treat them differently if they were closer to my age group, but I probably wouldn't. After 2 years, maybe I would be where I am now because of everything that's already happened without the difference playing a part. All the while, I will admit their age is something factoring in. But, everything in it's place as it is now is exactly what it needs to be. I would hate imagine otherwise, where I would play into the drama for any reason outside of the circumstances in play. If it were anything else, I would still resolve to not be around this situation, because of what's happened to me and my experiences. Their age really doesn't matter - it's my age that matters. I take making it to 30 very seriously, and I know I don't want to be like them when I get old. I take my experiences very seriously, which is why I'm handling this differently. I can't leave one endless cycle of hate with my biological family to join another with anyone. I've broken those bonds and signed it with my own blood and tears to never do it again.

That's me.

Toxic cesspool couple

I'm surprised I didn't write about this event sooner. It's a major turning point in the household, and deserves to be recorded. A lot of my feelings about it have faded, since I'm not going to stay mad and I would rather enter into the healing process. But these events definitely need to be recorded for the sake of being able to look back on them and have a frame of reference for events.

A few days ago, the oldest housemate and I were talking about a space downstairs that he wanted to use as a lobby area. He did admit that he wanted to set up like that but no one has ever used it. We were talking about a little bit, and I was leaning more towards not making into a lobby area, but then his girlfriend jumps in and starts yelling. When I inquired on my she was suddenly acting like that, she went off on a tangent about how she didn't want people to hear her in her "private moments" with him and I was offended by that. I really take it is maybe she thinks we're perverted and would want to hear them having sex, or we're too stupid to realize that something private is going on and move ourselves. No matter what she was really thinking, that's how I take it. And I was also very offended and felt disrespected that she just jumped into our conversation started yelling and imposing her trauma into our space.

She left and came back, acting like it was over, but me being the antagonist and I am reinitiated the situation and upset her even more. When we split up and I talked to her boyfriend separately, he advised that I don't need to bring the subject up anymore. And I told him that she's projecting that she thinks low of us, and she's really being an inappropriate upper-class Pig. She was also being very rude and interrupting us and yelling. She was seriously acting like a child, even though she's in her late 60s.

After that, I made it clear that I didn't want to talk to her because of her behavior and her boyfriend didn't like that and kept trying to go back and forth with me. That honestly just made me more angry because I felt like my space was being disrespected, after I made it clear that I was not interested in talking to her, or either of them if they were going to become a toxic hive mind to reinforce each other's negative and insufferable behavior.

After 2 years, that'll fool you can have the nerve to tell me that maybe I'm not a good fit for the house anymore since I called his girlfriend toxic. And that was very toxic of him, so they can both have their Cesspool in the basement, as far as I'm concerned.

the boyfriend is so petty that he has decided that he will not be performing a house maintenance, which has caused me to find a new maintenance person. Of course, I am looking for a person of color, optionally queer, to replace him! I have no qualms with putting money in another (queer) POC's pocket!

After telling him that he's being replaced and that I've informed the landlord, he tried to discourage me in doing so after I'd already done it. He said that complaining to the landlord directly threatened the cost of rent, and no such thing happened. The people that own this property clearly aren't as short-tempered and barbaric as he thinks they are. it is that was a concern, he should have known better than to refuse a work order being more aware of the consequences than I am. A part of me thinks that he expected me to beg him to fulfill the work order, when I've shown time and time again that I am very easy and quick to replace people. Some might even say "eager" to replace people.

This is all very strange to me that he suddenly acting this way over a woman. I don't know what kind of opioids she has in her vaginal mucus, but that boy has gone full-tilt bat-shit. I can hardly believe I had to replace the maintenance man, but I honestly love managing people, so it's a whole new challenge for me! Let's see what turns up!

Talking

The other house mate and I are getting better about talking, and making our needs more transparent. It's easy to not be mad and stay mad at someone you know better.

Did she really...?

I think my housemate sat on my things. Not that my stuff isn't in the way, and it's not her responsibility to move them. But, if she wanted to sit in that particular spot she could have asked me to move my stuff. Not that the weren't other seating options, but I won't evade that my things are in a seating area. I'm just thinking this because there was a towel place mate at the table, and some of my things seemed slightly moved, but I shouldn't make up reasons to be mad at someone. That also means she sat on the bike lock, because that wasn't moved out of the chair. I don't know what she's on to be willing to sit on a bike lock.

This is so thanks I get for allowing her to move in here, which is a hundred dollars cheaper than her last place. She claims she's still broke, so that didn't even help. I basically went against my better judgement for no reason. And it doesn't help that she tries to mock me when I'm clearly doing something intentional. When we just hanging out, it's fine, because that's not a thing I went through the trouble of setting up. But, when we at parties and I try to set up a game to make an intentional space she wants to butt in with sracastic memes and be obnoxious. I call her out, and that's the end of it, because everyone knows I'm from Louisiana and we're born and bread to act out in front of people!

She wants to change the terms of her stay. We agreed to 3-6 months, like most house mates, but the future opportunities she was once looking forward to have been exterminated by the unfortunate cause of discrimination and ignorance. We had the talk of "what if things don't work out" and she still said she would honor the deal. Unfortunately, I was unaware that I was talking to someone that doesn't know what honor is. And, was even so entitled when readdressing it thinking I'm actually going to adhere to waiting every three months for a check in. We're checking in every month, after winter, because that's what I'm doing.

We stopped being friends months ago for a reason I feel like it's still being proven (that are related to a previous event). I'm starting to think 90% of Mpls's trans community is [omits violently hostile commentary] people I would not like to come any relationships with in the future. I keep having horrible experiences with trans house mates, but I've made a few trans friends, that I strongly feel I will continue to get a long with. I'm probably not going to try to have trans house mates after a while. I know cis people can be just as fucked up, but I've had decent cis housemates. ALL the trans ones have been terrible.

But, offline I'm going to see this shit show through until one of us moves out. I'm standing it out to the universe to bring better people into my life, and I don't even have to talk to her that much. As long as we don't have guests and she does her chores, we don't have to talk at all, really. And, she has positive qualities, like anyone else. She helped me out when I was homeless, I figured it would be fitting to help her not be homeless. But, I've repaid my debt to her, and I won't be helping her with anything else. And, realistically, she's not the only problem. But I'm sick of being surrounded by  abult-problem children. I want to be around people that care about themselves and others, and are more on my wave length of self improvement.

Only time will tell.

Erin didn't when the run for governor

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False offers

Finding a job is hard. Finding a job that has long-term potential is harder. But makes everything harder than people don't have respect for your time and give false job offers that they will follow up on or just saying don't give your job to get your attention.

Biological calls

today, my biological mother contacted me while I was out and about. Instead of sending a text message she sent a voicemail. It did a lot of shocking things to me to hear out old she was in her voice. She didn't even sound like herself, as it had been a long time since I've heard her voice and that accent. the person that gave birth to me and that I still lived with for the most part of 22 years sounded like a stranger.

And she is a stranger. After 5 years of all of my trials and tribulations, my successes and triumphs, I did not know her or any of my family after that. Leaving home was a huge Landmark, but I stop talking to them after Colorado - for full disclosure. I may as well have lunch myself out into space, for everything that I knew and became accustomed to that I left behind in Shreveport. But I made the triumphant decisions that have led me to be who I am today. Everything happened as it should, for the best influences for me to excel at my personal and interpersonal goals, and I know as long as I'm still alive I still have much to learn! And it will be without my blood relatives.

I keep thinking about it through her perspective. What is it like to have your child tell you that you are not longer wanted in their life? but I can't wonder too much, because the parents need to figure out that they have earned the punishment that they are receiving. I have no idea what the social standards are on this subject matter, but disowning someone is not an easy task. When you realize it's a thing that has to happen it's very emotionally and mentally taxing. Part of being an adult is facing your consequences, right? but today I found out that in America, being an adult means making your own boundaries and holding yourself to them. That's what being an adult is for me, and I feel like it's different for everyone. But I'm glad I figured it out before I  turned 30, even though that's not  far away.

and something that I'm very proud of is that I'm not crying about it. Whatever tears I've had about this have already been excreted. I've cried as much as I possibly can about all the has happened with my biological family. I will not ask them for another thing, and they will not get any more of my Tears. Contrary to popular belief, I don't owe them anything. Not even my life. I didn't choose to be here, nor did they choose this for me. It all just happened. Through very poor judgment, mind you, but it happened. I don't owe them what I didn't ask for. I don't owe them what I did ask for. I owe toxic, abusive people nothing.

Not moving// trans house mates?

My options: staying in this house - upside down Queen of Swords. Moving, but staying in Minneapolis or st. Paul - upside down Fortune. Moving out of state - upside down Eight of Cups. What will help me make my decision - upside down 9 cups.

It looks like my best option is to stay where I am for the time being, despite how I feel about it. It may not be as bad as I think it will be. I basically won't have any luck finding a new place to stay in this area, and all the other places that I look at outside of the state are "dried up". but I will Reserve that in context of the places that I'm looking at, and not apply that to any other places that I might not be looking at, but may come across in the future to consider. What will help me decide is either dissatisfaction or misery. and I will admit I've been very dissatisfied with my options and people's reactions to expressing the type of situation I want to live in.

But, a passing issue is finding decent people that also happen to be trans, that also happen to be women. I'm considering having another cis house mate for a while longer, because things aren't working out with that side of the family like I feel like they should. Another thing I'm having a huge problem with is white privilege. Which can lead to other problems, like a lack a spatcial awareness or easily forgetting what someone brown just told someone and why they said it. Or, maybe just feeling like someone is exmept from what was said, based on privilege.

I know I don't want to pick another person that was born and raised in the state, or another white person. But, family is a challenge. I really don't want to drop off on giving well-deserved people an opportunity but I've had enough of what this area has to offer with the issues I've already endured.

It's more to think on, and I have a lot of time to think about it. It is very disappointing that this is something I have to think about in such a way.

That ended!

So it turned out the dishwashing environment I was in turned very toxic, and someone walked off and a few days later I was fired over the same person. The person walked out because they were too frustrated to continue to be able to work with the person. I got fired for actively avoiding person. A lot of stuff happened on the day that I got fired, so I knew it was my last day. If they hadn't fired me I would have quit.

But it was a very horrible environment to be in. And a position like a dishwasher, where you only have your co-workers to talk to and no customers or anyone else to filter between is very important to get along with your co-workers. I feel like I was the only one who really cared about that and our little piece of the team. I could easily be incorrect, but what I know for sure is that other people really didn't care about what or how they were saying, and things didn't actually Fall Apart. I wasn't willing to work with the other person either, so it's all for the best. I don't waste my time on toxic people.

Nothing of value was awesome experience. I know I'll find another job! it would be nice to be able to sit somewhere for a year, though.

In due time, I'm feeling all of my confidence again because I'm bald again! I love being bald, and I missed it very much!

Open communication at work!

Things at the dishwashing job ate working out pretty well, so far. I have some physical stuff going on with the strenuous activity, but it's nothing that can't be resolved with an ice cold treatment. However, things boiled over between co-workers today after a meeting with our boss. All the issues boiled over, and open communication definitely needed to happen. It's too bad people were so overzealous they kept interrupting each other, which made things worse to an extent. But after all is said and done, people got along better. I'm glad I had that break down, because it's help me do a better job of identifying when I need to step away from a situation. I went over to a different area in the dishwashing section for some peace and quiet, after the conflict.

But the particular co-worker that was on the other end of the conflict is very overzealous, and uses overly abrasive Burbage. It's usually accusing someone of something, or throwing someone under the bus. This person has little to no chill, and we wonder with all these other skills that this person has why they aren't doing something else more challenging than being a dishwasher. The Stereotype that were very happy to conform to is that the dishwashing area is usually wear the most chill people are. We have our share of responsibilities and extracurricular activities that we could be doing during down time, but really we like to sit back, wash dishes, and get to know each other. The job not being so challenging in some areas allows people to have a flourish of personalities and even share interests. I feel like we're all doing that, but this person is doing way too much in the area of working out of their way. It's suspected that this person might be trying to make the rest of us look bad. It all remains to be seen on a consequential scale, if it ever comes to that.

Fabulous mood!

I've been experiencing a lot of positive changes recently! I went back for another yoga session today, and I just feel so much more gratuitous every time I go to a yoga class. I still have a problem with bashing myself for not being able to do the poses right, but in the moment, I understand that yoga is about doing what's best for you and it's not about pushing yourself too hard. The people around me care if I hurt myself, for a variety of reasons, and I'd certainly care if I hurt myself. And how I handle my yoga is definitely how I should handle my life. Do myself the better service of pushing myself and having new experiences and testing my limits, but not going out of my way to overexert myself in ways I know will be detrimental. But also, be determined and consistent.

I ran into a friend I haven't seen in person in over 6 months! That friend was able to pick me up off the ground in a hug, and that's not something I think that they would have been able to do over 6 months ago. It really made me think about where I am and where I want to be with my own physical stature. The friend did admit that they had to make some sacrifices to get to where they are, or at least for it to show. That friend is a bike mechanic so surely they would gain some strength in the line at work, but for it to show as well as it does means that they had to cut the carbs. I love carbohydrates! I just couldn't see my life without them, but I can also stand to take in more protein. I don't watch what I eat, and I've decided to dramatically decrease my meat intake. Even if I don't cut back on the carbs, I still need to pick up on the protein to be able to stay standing.

I also went into a sauna, for the first time! It felt so good to sweat in dry heat! Walking back out into the air-conditioned locker room was painfully invigorating!

Over the past few days, I had my very first Couchsurfing guest! For the first time, I was on the other side of the experience, and it was amazing! I'm very fortunate that my first guest was enthusiastic about being in the area! I'm also very fortunate that I have roommates and a lot of friends to help me entertain! And a huge bonus for this guest also having hosted people, so I could get more feedback on that part of the experience and have better Insight on where I want to be with how I want to navigate and guide the influence with the type of hosting experience I want to have.

Much to look forward to!

Hi Stranger (Original) - KIRSTEN LEPORE

Dream of current feelings and reality

I just had a dream that I was at my grandma's house and life was going somewhat normal, as it usually does when I have dreams in her house. But suddenly she was at a state in her Alzheimer's where she couldn't walk but she was still functional. I don't think that has anything to do with Alzheimer's, though. That process works differently, from what I witnessed.

Anyway, I suddenly had some white friends for whatever reason. And also is suddenly for some unexplained reason, Louisiana became a frozen tundra and people that were forced to evacuate. My friends were sitting there with me like they were waiting on something, but there were a lot of white people in spaceships Vehicles passing by and I was calling out for help and not only did not have them help me, but some of them turned and laughed at me for asking for help. As soon as I ask my friends for help, they suddenly responded and we suddenly had a functional vehicle that we could escape with ourselves. And they plan on coming back for my wheelchair-bound grandmother, even though the dream ended before that can happen. The last thing that happened was we drove off to see if we could get something to get her in the car or something. And I think my great-grandmother was there too, but she already froze to death. I think that was her. I'm not sure, though.

Firstly, I'm glad it's not another doing dream.

Secondly, I think I know what the universe is trying to tell me.

Third, I don't know why Sally is there. I never understand why I still dream about family members. I sure don't want to.

Liquor store end

Friday was my last day at Zipps Liquor store. I turned the drama up on a normal issue to give myself an out because of an event that happened earlier that day.

What happened was a very suddenly forced and sudden meeting with one of the owners about why Zipps isn't participating in the Jj Taylor strike. I was informed that only 2 businesses are taking a stance with the truck drives in the strike and they are still accepting Jj products. But, for the way it was brought up I feel like it was a condescending view on the businesses that vocally sided with the workers.

I was also told the Zipps is to mention a neutral stance in all political subjects because "we need everyone to feel comfortable shopping here". And, the manager specifically said - without any prompt - "people that are for or against abortion". With something as extreme as abortion being brought up as a subject, that would lead my train of thought to Zipps being comfortable with people in hate groups shopping there.

The real slap in the face was after all this that manager demanded that if a customer asks about the strike is that I reply "I don't know. Please ask the manager." How dare the employment class demand I speak on their behalf for their benefit. Zipps wants everyone to do the position they applied for and be housekeeping and security. Those are 2 completely different positions that we are forced to do without previous explaination to the positions with proper consent and are not being paid any extra for those other duties. As a cashier, I was only starting at $10 /hr with only a .50¢ increase after 90 days, but no other set raises after that. I was told by a former employee that they make raises hard to get and a person has to show major devotion to get a raise after that. Time being their after those first 90 days does not make a raise stable.

Zipps Liquor of Mlps MN is a crime against workers! This is why all jobs need unions! There's no such thing as being neutral! Everyone should do the job they have signed up and agreed to do, and nothing more. Security is a different position from the other jobs, so that should be it's own person. People should be paid a living wage, and if Zipps can't afford to they shouldn't be in business.

What filth...

I had a total meltdown on my housemates today. We were having a meeting and they told me they didn't like some of the rules I made. In general, I can deal with that and I can talk about why it's in place. But, for what I was going through, now was not the time to gang up on me about something they agreed to when they moved in.

And, they wanted to do a community graden in the front yard when I can't get anyone to pick up a towel and wipe off the counters. And, I want the front yard just to have a yard to enjoy. Those gardens hardly even grow anything.

But, they're lucky, because if I had been any less stressed I would have told them about themselves to absolute filth, on the spot.

But, what really threw me for a loop. What was really "game over" was when I was contesting to keep the front yard as is and the others wouldn't let it go and Has said "If it's communal, let's vote on it." I. WAS. LIVID. I said "fuck this," and stormed out slamming the door. I went for a walk to yell, and came back, packed my backpack and wrote a note saying "If y'all like _ so much, y'all can suck his dick!" And, when _ asked why I wrote that I went off about how I've done so much for the house and no one was supportive of my feelings and efforts. Previous people have been so shitty in this house and I don't know who's going to be shitty next, and everything I've set up is for a reason. The house manager would rather do anything but take on other interpersonal duties, and no one wants to do anything else and I do all the cleaning otherwise. Oh, but y'all wanna do a fucking graden? And, take up the space that I like, rather than put it in other places that are just as good? And, take away space from future housemates?

I have one person that spills food on themselves and doesn't clean it up when they stand up. One person that cooks and leaves a mess and dishes and leaves for days. The house manager and their partner's issue. Oh, but y'all wanna do a graden? In a spot that isn't even growing anything. And the one that spills food won't even be working on the graden.

These bitches right here... And, they say they're cool, but after what's happened why should I trust them? I can forgive but I don't forget. Everyday I get more reasons to resent Minnesotans. I might forgive Has one day, but I won't forget this.

The liquor store Chronicles part 1

On my first day:

Someone tried to have a conversation with me about my appearance.

Someone grabbed a handful of flight shots and ran for the door.

A person that I don't think was even a customer and my co-workers and supervisor made a scene out of someone panhandling outside the door. I might have gotten a glimpse into the window of how anti-human this establishment is. Not that it doesn't fit in with the rest of the capitalist model, but that is the biggest thing that made me the most uncomfortable about this job, and it's only my first day.

-

More on the panhandling-

Person: excuse me. I don't normally report people for panhandling, but this guy is out here with a story about his mom that just died.

Co worker: yeah. Unfortunately, it's not illegal but he can't be right outside of our door asking for change. That's inappropriate.

Person: yeah. He's out there talking about his mama, and you don't mess with Mama.

Me: (so we're fucking morality police wow in an establishment participating in killing the brain cells and poisoning the blood of other human beings?)

But when I think about it, I guess an anti Human his attitude is necessary to be able to sell people chemicals that have been proven to literally kill them or get them killed!

-

And apparently cashiering and so ableist people that have light sensitivity can't do it. I got fussed at about wearing Shades because it doesn't make me look "approachable and ready to serve". For some reason it's important to be able to see my eyes. I just don't feel the same way. If someone's working, then there's no confusion about that and you come up. I've never had a customer care about whether or not I'm wearing shades.

At least it was explained to me this time instead of being treating passive aggressive way.

Love Like Lo-fi - Steven Universe

Lucky!

The two weeks since I've been home have been very fast pace! Within the first few days I got my taxes done and a bike. A few days later, I got a job and my tax return! I'm not going to stick with this current job, but the other job opportunities are coming up very quickly! I've been hanging out with my well missed friends! Life has been a blast in the last 2 weeks!

I'm only disappointed that I didn't get any of the job stuff that I want it done. The places that I wanted to work for all booked up by the time I got back home. On the other hand, it's for the best for me to be able to make and attend My Health Care appointments. I don't have to worry about too much job stuff all at once and make time to get my check ups. I didn't waste any time jumping back into my vitamins and supplements routine. I also start doing my stretches, but I have to be more on top of doing them at least every other day. I want to do stretches every day, but it's a matter of remembering to. I definitely do stretches before I go for bike rides! And I know to maintain the bike before at least every other ride, but ideally before every ride!

Something I'm concerned about is the sudden violent and hateful thoughts I had soon after returning home. Things I hadn't remembered for over 3 months suddenly started rushing back and I was angry about them all over again. Things that are all in past experiences that I still feel very seriously about, but I was surprised at how freshly angry I was about them. I don't know if this means I have anger issues, but I'm not willing to rule it out.

I spent a lot of my vacation one-handed, but since I've been home and put on my wrist brace my hand has been feeling better. I'm still going to talk about it with my nurse practitioner, though. I'm also getting a new therapist! I'm really discouraged about going to the dentist since I have to go to the university now, but I know I should go... it's just frustrating to have to deal with the university. It would be great if I could go back to my previous Clinic.

Not having a menstrual cycle is great! I recently knowledge that I had major dysphoria around my menstruation, but not just to myself. This time I acknowledged it to a group of people and it makes more sense every time I say it and it's refreshing that other people know about it now. I will be continuing Depo shots for the foreseeable future.

Even though things didn't go exactly like I wanted them to with the employment situation, things went exactly as they needed to for everything else to work out. I'm satisfied with the way things are for now, and looking forward to the Great Wave of change that is coming up with the housemates in the near future!

That's all for now!

Abuse of power

After this round of travels, I think I've become better about recognizing when people have demons. People think that they're good because they're welcoming people into their home and treating them a certain kind of way, but they aren't taking into regard the other ways in which they're treating their guests. People can work on others into their home and say the words homophobic and misogynistic things. I wonder how people think that they're good just by welcoming others into their home, but not checking their mindset and morals.

People that enter into the community with intentions to hurt others aren't the people that I'm talking about here. They're very unintentionally about how their thoughts, words, and actions hurt others. But, with the things that go on, they really need more people to check them and hold them accountable so they can see what they are doing to others is wrong.

Racism a-foot? - Couchsurfing members

On this round of travels, I've started considering getting a van more critically. 3 major issues it would solve is "Were can I put my stuff?" "Where am I sleeping?" and "How can I get there?" I would rather ride the bus, but I'm sick of not having a place to stay and no place to put my things so I can really enjoy myself without having carry all my stuff around everywhere with me.

A lot of my couchsurfing requests went ignored by people listed as available. Being rejected has it's own effects, but ignored is obviously different from being rejected. When my requests go ignored I take it personally. Moreso, when it's white men. Most any other group will get back to me, including white women. I have things clearly laid out on my profile, including I'm a black activist and I'm trans and I travel with no money, so I'm not surprised that I would get rejected but being ignored is disrespectful to the time I've taken out to write a costume greeting and request. I've talked to my white counterparts, and they don't have the same issues in difficulty finding a place to stay and being ignored as I do. Not saying all the attention they get is legit or safe. That brings in the issue of misogyny and rape culture to be addressed.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to do SOMETHING different because most of the CS community being fragile, threatened white men is hurting my traveling experiences.

Home base moving?

Now that I'm out and about I am considering other places to set up a reasonable home base. The more time I spend away from it, the more time I have to think about how much I really hate Minnesota's passive aggressiveness. I'm still going to come back because I have built a very healthy environment in Minnesota, but when Trump is out of office it's time to seek a new home base. The place that has been sitting on my mind the longest is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I like Pennsylvania's politics and general, but I'm already the most familiar with Pittsburgh and I had a 90% horrible time in Philadelphia.

I love Arizona, but it's just too damn hot! I also love New Mexico, but it's damn poor! Missouri is okay, but only okay and I need more than okay to function. And really the only places that are okay are St Louis and Kansas City. And, I also need health care. I would not live in Massachusetts. It's a lovely place like any other place but the radicals are too college-educated to be down to earth.

More to see, though!

Forgiven// Getting ready to go!

I had to come to terms with an event that happened a long time ago. Someone I cared about very deeply died, and I wasn't at her bedside. I was a self-centered teen, and I thought she would get better, so I put off visiting her while she was in the hospital. She didn't recover as we had predicted, and she died a while later. If I had any inkling of a feeling that she wouldn't recover, I swear I would have been there, but the narrative around the situation was that she was going to be alright. And, it's not like I put my own thoughts into it. After getting the news she died, I had sudden chest pain that didn't completely subside for a while.

Soon, she came to me in my dreams and I cried and apologized for not being at her side before she left. She forgave me without hesitation. I had more dreams with her in them and she had the same comforting, forgiving presents she had in life. After a while the dreams stopped, and so did my chest pains. I wasn't in an environment where forgiveness was readily available, so I didn't know what it was back then, and all these years later I'm glad I see it now. I'm glad I know what true love is.