Self Sept Tarot Card Readings

Spiritual guidance spread:

representing a disassociation that can be overcome with passion and motivation. Way more a card about my relationships and art than anything career of money oriented.

Self-healing spread:

this bread represents how I have been defeated and disappointed with past relationships, so I feel the need to take charge and be dominant. the cards are pretty straightforward and how I need to change my behavior and be okay with disappointment, or know that the disappointments aren't as bad as I make them out to be. The sun at the end of the reading represents the happiness that I desire. alternatively; the reading could mean that I need to change the people around me and form new more satisfactory relationships. Maybe my current circle has become disinterested.

Money tarot card spread:

the card say that I'm creative and enthusiastic but also angry about money. I feel powerless in my situation and how I feel about money is that a luxury to have or I feel luxurious when having it. the lesson that I need to learn is to be more enthusiastic, open-minded, and just have more positive energy and general towards attracting running, as represented by the prince of wands upside down. the actions that need to be taken for financial success is represented by the Queen of pentacles. I need to think of money is more of joy and entertainment than something that I actually need to have, I guess? I'm taking the reading this more than just have a positive attitude. I feel like it's being suggested what kind of positive attitude I should have specifically, and things are in status.

Success tarot card spread:

I am represented as both motivated and creative and kind, and yet avoiding passion and slothfulness. the hidden factor that I need to be aware of is represented by the prince of Swords who represents a fiery passion, being well-educated, and being witty.

the card that represents many people are things that can help me is the Queen of Swords upside down, so maybe an adversary will inspire me to do better. Someone who is an older person, probably a woman that is very skilled. also accounting that the card is upside down, maybe someone who is mediocre that I feel I need to put in their place. the card that represents what I need to be successful as the heritage, who represents discipline.

Not moving// trans house mates?

My options: staying in this house - upside down Queen of Swords. Moving, but staying in Minneapolis or st. Paul - upside down Fortune. Moving out of state - upside down Eight of Cups. What will help me make my decision - upside down 9 cups.

It looks like my best option is to stay where I am for the time being, despite how I feel about it. It may not be as bad as I think it will be. I basically won't have any luck finding a new place to stay in this area, and all the other places that I look at outside of the state are "dried up". but I will Reserve that in context of the places that I'm looking at, and not apply that to any other places that I might not be looking at, but may come across in the future to consider. What will help me decide is either dissatisfaction or misery. and I will admit I've been very dissatisfied with my options and people's reactions to expressing the type of situation I want to live in.

But, a passing issue is finding decent people that also happen to be trans, that also happen to be women. I'm considering having another cis house mate for a while longer, because things aren't working out with that side of the family like I feel like they should. Another thing I'm having a huge problem with is white privilege. Which can lead to other problems, like a lack a spatcial awareness or easily forgetting what someone brown just told someone and why they said it. Or, maybe just feeling like someone is exmept from what was said, based on privilege.

I know I don't want to pick another person that was born and raised in the state, or another white person. But, family is a challenge. I really don't want to drop off on giving well-deserved people an opportunity but I've had enough of what this area has to offer with the issues I've already endured.

It's more to think on, and I have a lot of time to think about it. It is very disappointing that this is something I have to think about in such a way.

The Universe said...

I just ran my tarot, which is the only way to get me to calm down about all this. I can't say the Universe was just being nice to me. I know it is only honest. The Universe has told me that my heart is true and that I'm not wrong. I just have very unfortunate luck. I'm good at moving on and the obsticales in my way may very well be what I feel like my options are, in my ever changing position. It could also be related to how I feel about myself, and it doesn't look like my past trauma came up. That means it's not affecting me as much as I think it is, but I recount whenever things go wrong.

I have the building record that I have felt exists. Each expreince has been it's own, not tailed by anything. The love game is all about luck, and my luck is just bad. I can be less hard on myself now. Now, I can just cry about how unlucky I am, I guess. That's much better than believe I have the bad vibes of "mistakes" I've made in the past following me effecting my present and future. I still don't know what to do. If it's determined bad luck maybe I should stop trying to love out of knowing it won't work out. I can't change my luck. I'm still sad, but in a much less in a blaming others for what they've done or being self-hating for what I've done. Much less rueful and hateful reasons, for sure. I haven't made any mistakes. That's much more refreshing to know.

I guess that's it. I'll just stop trying.
That's it.
I'm dead.
No more.

(typed 4/4)