pumpkin spice forklift driver!

I've been getting my basic bitch on with pumpkin spice latte mix and pumpkin spice hot cocoa mix! I have a very happy sugar and carbs filled belly! every now and then I very briefly care about having a flat stomach, but pumpkin spice and chai lattes are too good! I would rather be proud of my flawed body. And I'm starting to think abs look good on other people but maybe not so much on me.

I've always cared more about being strong than looking good anyway. I'm going to start exercising more in the future, hopefully. I have a very long stretched out plan for how I'm going to do this:

First I'm going to do the warehouse training and equipment operations training at a local program. Then I'm going to get a job at one of these warehouses that usually pays almost $20 an hour depending on the position. And then I'm going to get the gym membership and have lyft money! And then I will be buff as fuck! I do enjoy working out and exercising a general. I don't much care for watching what I eat and stuff like that. but I will say that when I have a normal exercise routine, I am more drawn towards healthier foods and less alcoholic behavior then otherwise. But the chai lattes aren't going anywhere!

I've been hanging out and partying hard very recently. Friends birthdays all piled up in one month. A very spooky month! And I do have Halloween plans. It's not a party, but a friend and I are going to go around and look at people's Halloween decorations! And we're going to go to another friend's house and watch scary movies!

Back to the warehouse stuff. The workshop and I'm going to is going to specifically teach me how to drive a forklift, scissor lift, Boom Lift, bobcat, and I'm going to get OSHA training. And the other workshop is going to teach me how to drive an excavator, a toolcat, and teach me computer basics. the flyer more specifically says computer self service is training. I have no idea what that means. It's probably a manager skill or something. I'm hoping I don't have to do the OSHA training twice, as both of the programs have the same 10 hours of OSHA training. 

Not only will whatever job I get with this help me come all my basic needs, but it'll be really tight if I could treat all of my friends did something spectacular on New year's day! And treat someone out to dinner and lunch on Valentine's day. And commissioned some more artist to draw my characters! And get the LG Stylo 5, because I'm officially sick of the Motorola E5 plus! But I do still like Virgin Mobile so I'm going to keep them. There's so much stuff I can do with enough money, and working in a warehouse I know I'll make it least $14 an hour. for what I'll be training in, I think that my maximum starting wage is $19 an hour in this area. 14 is the very least that I need, and 19 be more than enough! 

it's always a matter of getting a job that I like with a company I can stick with, where my co-workers aren't absolute garbage trash beings. and I know that warehouse settings is full of toxic masculinity and stuff like that, but I know the pen is mightier than the sword and I don't take any shit! one more queer black person on the team, and one less toxic heterosexual cisgender bro!

I'm looking forward to the future! Despite the near future being very cold!

June: MORE LIKE DEBT MONTH THAN PRIDE MONTH!

This June didn't really feel like pride month, but I feel like I'm very over it with white queers, and that had a lot to do with it. I also feel like the city wasn't as festive with their pride garb and paraphernalia, this year. this weekend is quiet though, because a lot of people went to New York City for the Stonewall 50th anniversary celebration.

and that's only got caught up in an avalanche of debt. My main bank account closed, I got turned over to collections by my side bank account. My new main bank account logged me out, because the funds from my side account didn't transfer over because of an order that was supposed to be canceled. It's really been one bad luck thing after another, with money. And it's all because of these institutions. I would have been better off if I just paid cash for everything that I did.

every step to my friends to send positive energy my way to get the money Gremlins off me, and I'm going to look up rituals and spells myself. as terrible as this all is, I'm trying not to stress out about it because there's nothing I can do without any income. I'm looking for a job, but I would rather start in August or September, and make content all summer and do what I can for my own business while I have time.

I'm also tired of all this rigmarole and bouncing between jobs. As much as I wanted to hang out here until the 2020 presidential election, this is more into my doubts of whether or not I'm going to make it. this experience has been very unnecessarily difficult, but has somehow balanced out to being incredibly easy and other things, that distort my view on how much it's worth it. and I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach, which I'm very thankful for. But my financial situation is too fragile and falls apart at any slight push, and it's be shady, manipulating employers that make it that way. I got to figure out a way to get out and stay out of this rat race.

Seeing the pleasure I was told

Things didn't end like I wanted them to, but they didn't have to. My tarot reading ended with the six of cups, is that a call. It was something of Cups, even if that isn't the exact one. And I'm definitely feeling it now.

I'm going to live in a place that is a better fit for me, and I'm going to have a job that I like doing one of the many things that I enjoy! And right now, I'm in a position where I can afford to change jobs, because I'm not paying rent.

I grieflessly acknowledged that the way I wanted things in the way things are supposed to be were definitely two different paths. I'm supposed to be happy with my housing and job situations, not constantly fighting for them. Even though the long-term situations have yet to start, they already have much better outlooks in the past situations I've been in.

7 jobs since March

Since March 17th, I'm going to be on my 7th job. I'm going to start with the cleaning company that I'm very excited about, and they asked for a year-long commitment. I don't have any foreseeable things in the way, but hopefully I can commit to it! And if I can't, I tried!

I was hoping to be able to come back and just have one job, and now I'm on seven! This is going to be super painful for my taxes, trying to keep up with all the W-2 forms in the event my past employers aren't as on the ball as they should be.

And on this last job one co-worker stole from me while we were still in training, and two other coworkers are super ignorant misogynistic parents. it's no wonder how I got us some of these jobs so quickly, but the worst definitely had to be the liquor store! That is the decline of humanity! That got me to quit drinking!

I'm not looking forward to January but whatever happens needs to happen by April. I'll just take all the W2s I have and say "fuck it" to the rest, when it's close to the deadline. and I'm not going to wait till the last minute to make my tax filing appointment, either.

But usually employers know better than that, I just hate that I have so many to deal with.

A week stay and a 3 day job

I had a friend that let me stay with them for a while, but I can only stay for a week because the roommates were super weird and freaking out about a stranger being in the house. One of them was a white male and the others were going along with him, which doesn't sound very different from any other situation about white male Supremacy. I really don't care what your problem is when you getting ready to kick me out in the cold for literally no reason.

Transitioning from white men to black women: I quit my job after 3 days For two reasons. The company is terrible. Completely disorganized, their stuff doesn't work, and it's not worth the money to have to sit at a desk. I would rather be doing something with my time, and actually working. I also had their own issues with white supremacy with their boss telling us that since she's the one who's paying this we should listen to her, and yelled across the room at people that were talking loud. On to my ignorant co-workers, two black mothers that are totally down with the colonial heteropatriarchy white supremacy, and they don't even know it. You got onto the topic of children and I knew that they were a shitshow and one of them said at the "you can't love an adopted child the way you can love your own" bit. I'm sorry you lack the capacity and compassion to truly love someone, but don't put your issues on me.

But it really devolved when we got into the conversation that went into boys will be boys when they were talking about their sons grabbing girls butts. One of them openly admitted that she didn't care about what happened to the girl, she cared about what the girl would go back and tell her parents and that her son to be arrested. They're not teaching their sons to respect girls and women. They're more interested in teaching their sons not to get caught. And it's really disappointing to me with both of these people were girls at one point in their lives. they also said that they wanted their children to express interest in girls so they wouldn't be gay. So they're picking and choosing with their sexualizing about children, as well. speaking of which, they said that I would be making my child gay and fucking up their lives by taking them to a child psychologist if I decided to resolve the behavior using that method. Of course, they continue to misgender me and practically threatened me with childbirth, and how it would change my perspective on everything and that my idea of how children act is completely unrealistic.

This kind of stuff makes me ready to give up on black people. I know that most of them don't think like I do and conceited to being products of their environment, unlike myself. I find that most black people really aren't trying to think of anything outside the box that white supremacy gave them. but I'm definitely going to be in active advocate for girls taking self-defense classes, because now I personally know parents that don't give a shit about girls.

My "last day" at "work"

Today got off to a great start and then crashed and burned! but I'm still in one piece and I have my house, so I won't complain too much. 🍷

I got on the bus and a list to the polls, worked my way around the ID kerfuffle to be able to get the job that starts on the 12th, and went to my volunteer gig. There's no way around having to get a copy of my birth certificate and having to pay almost $100 for everything that it requires. But it's best I don't run around with an expired ID. Apparently having an expired out of state ID makes you less of an American citizen. Colonialism, am I right?

I was fortunate to be able to work around it for the sake of employment, but I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to get away with much. Fortunately, my voter ID card was good enough identification because it has its own number!

And I actually quit my job last night, but it came in for the volunteer portion. Being paid would have subjected me to the elements while bus/ spot canvassing, while doing the phone and text banking as volunteer experience would have me sitting cozy in a building with mostly like-minded people, and food! It's the get out to vote movement that's important, not how I do it. I said to hell with that $15 an hour for only 3 hours and did a 5 hours of text Banking, and I feel like I got a lot more done! I listen to music, I ate food, and didn't have to worry about where I was using the restroom!

And of course the co-director came down and asked me how was canvassing was, and I told him that I decided to forego the paid position due to the weather and text bank as a volunteer to be indoors. You really should have seen the look on his face. People are always surprised what I'm willing to sacrifice for my own comfort. And a black person told a white man he can keep his money and they aren't going to do what he wants them to do. This was wonderful for a lot of different reasons! Fortunately, that person was heading in as I was heading out!

I got a bottle of Ruby port, and after that is when things fell apart. It was really just that dumb Lyft driver that I hope no one has to suffer through. He doesn't know the area, he majorly lacks communication skills, and really shouldn't be a local driver to the area. I complained and got a refund, but after I already wasted 30 minutes that I could have been spent being closer to getting back to where I'm currently staying about 30 minutes earlier! And, of course, I still had to take public transportation. I just wanted a quick quiet ride home without fluorescent lights and dirty floors and seats - but apparently that was too much to ask of this bum rush City. The bus was fine, but the train is always messy in one car or another - mine tonight had chicken pieces in it. but I got back to where I'm staying safe and sound. I'm watching internet videos under a nice warm heater with a cup of Rudy Port. I may eat some food. I'll deal with whatever their election results are tomorrow. Right now, it's time for rest. 🍗🐟🍷🌌🏙️🌃🚿🛁🛏️📱

The liquor store Chronicles part 1

On my first day:

Someone tried to have a conversation with me about my appearance.

Someone grabbed a handful of flight shots and ran for the door.

A person that I don't think was even a customer and my co-workers and supervisor made a scene out of someone panhandling outside the door. I might have gotten a glimpse into the window of how anti-human this establishment is. Not that it doesn't fit in with the rest of the capitalist model, but that is the biggest thing that made me the most uncomfortable about this job, and it's only my first day.

-

More on the panhandling-

Person: excuse me. I don't normally report people for panhandling, but this guy is out here with a story about his mom that just died.

Co worker: yeah. Unfortunately, it's not illegal but he can't be right outside of our door asking for change. That's inappropriate.

Person: yeah. He's out there talking about his mama, and you don't mess with Mama.

Me: (so we're fucking morality police wow in an establishment participating in killing the brain cells and poisoning the blood of other human beings?)

But when I think about it, I guess an anti Human his attitude is necessary to be able to sell people chemicals that have been proven to literally kill them or get them killed!

-

And apparently cashiering and so ableist people that have light sensitivity can't do it. I got fussed at about wearing Shades because it doesn't make me look "approachable and ready to serve". For some reason it's important to be able to see my eyes. I just don't feel the same way. If someone's working, then there's no confusion about that and you come up. I've never had a customer care about whether or not I'm wearing shades.

At least it was explained to me this time instead of being treating passive aggressive way.

Lucky!

The two weeks since I've been home have been very fast pace! Within the first few days I got my taxes done and a bike. A few days later, I got a job and my tax return! I'm not going to stick with this current job, but the other job opportunities are coming up very quickly! I've been hanging out with my well missed friends! Life has been a blast in the last 2 weeks!

I'm only disappointed that I didn't get any of the job stuff that I want it done. The places that I wanted to work for all booked up by the time I got back home. On the other hand, it's for the best for me to be able to make and attend My Health Care appointments. I don't have to worry about too much job stuff all at once and make time to get my check ups. I didn't waste any time jumping back into my vitamins and supplements routine. I also start doing my stretches, but I have to be more on top of doing them at least every other day. I want to do stretches every day, but it's a matter of remembering to. I definitely do stretches before I go for bike rides! And I know to maintain the bike before at least every other ride, but ideally before every ride!

Something I'm concerned about is the sudden violent and hateful thoughts I had soon after returning home. Things I hadn't remembered for over 3 months suddenly started rushing back and I was angry about them all over again. Things that are all in past experiences that I still feel very seriously about, but I was surprised at how freshly angry I was about them. I don't know if this means I have anger issues, but I'm not willing to rule it out.

I spent a lot of my vacation one-handed, but since I've been home and put on my wrist brace my hand has been feeling better. I'm still going to talk about it with my nurse practitioner, though. I'm also getting a new therapist! I'm really discouraged about going to the dentist since I have to go to the university now, but I know I should go... it's just frustrating to have to deal with the university. It would be great if I could go back to my previous Clinic.

Not having a menstrual cycle is great! I recently knowledge that I had major dysphoria around my menstruation, but not just to myself. This time I acknowledged it to a group of people and it makes more sense every time I say it and it's refreshing that other people know about it now. I will be continuing Depo shots for the foreseeable future.

Even though things didn't go exactly like I wanted them to with the employment situation, things went exactly as they needed to for everything else to work out. I'm satisfied with the way things are for now, and looking forward to the Great Wave of change that is coming up with the housemates in the near future!

That's all for now!

Fired and pushed back places

Shortly after I made that last post, I got fired from that dank job a few weeks later. I know I don't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life, and there was no way they were going to force me to. Either they were going to promote me or I was going to quit or get fired, and this is the outcome. Seward Co-op was very much a terrible place to work with a hidden agenda for keeping people of color up front where everyone can see them and really giving them opportunities and higher paying positions. I couldn't even get a higher-paying Floor position, even though I got into a different department that didn't pay not one penny more.

At first I was very bitter over the particular incident that happened, because it involved my direct supervisor at the store manager setting me up to get fired. And since I had already put in my notice, on paper I quit so I couldn't file for unemployment. But now I look back on the entire situation, and learned plenty of new information to know that I am better off without that job in my life. And it's cold outside, so I don't want to do any more moving around than I have to! The job was also very physically taxing. Seward Co-op has terrible ergonomics and its cashier Pit, and the cashiers do way more bending and stretching than they should have to. I develop very serious neck pains and carpal tunnel in both my arms. I started visiting a chiropractor shortly before I got fired and continue treatment after, and both of those issues have cleared up nicely! I was making terrible pay and never got a raise until just before I got fired. It was not worth my time, energy, and certainly not worth my health!

People have been very generous to me and have been donating to help me cover my monthly expenses. I have also been donated food, so I certainly haven't been starving! I'm very appreciative to all the people that have reached out to help me in my great time of need, and I will be sure to pay it forward to others in need!

Unfortunately, this means I've had to push back my travel plans all the way to January! Seward Co-op was a shitshow from beginning to end. I started out only making $10.40 until a whole year where I went up a 25-cent raise and then they fire me an entire month before my notice, which led to me having to push back my trip. And having less time for the trip, I also had to cut out a destination. The destination was picked for other reasons, one of which the couch surfing scene being very deficient.

As usual, I have no idea how the trip itself will go. I'm not having much luck on finding a place to stay but my destination seem to have a lot of shelters available. I'm sure something will work out, and if it doesn't it's not like I have to stick with it forever.