Validation

I've been talking to people about what happened with my housemates, and in talking about it - I've come to terms with how I could have done things differently. I need to work on being my better person, for people I feel deserve it. I don't feel that way about this situation, however. I don't feel like these are people that deserve it. Maybe it's not so much their age, as much as it is the one person that knows how much drama has already been in this house, and intentionally and selfishly brought in another dramatic person.

 I've considered that maybe I would treat them differently if they were closer to my age group, but I probably wouldn't. After 2 years, maybe I would be where I am now because of everything that's already happened without the difference playing a part. All the while, I will admit their age is something factoring in. But, everything in it's place as it is now is exactly what it needs to be. I would hate imagine otherwise, where I would play into the drama for any reason outside of the circumstances in play. If it were anything else, I would still resolve to not be around this situation, because of what's happened to me and my experiences. Their age really doesn't matter - it's my age that matters. I take making it to 30 very seriously, and I know I don't want to be like them when I get old. I take my experiences very seriously, which is why I'm handling this differently. I can't leave one endless cycle of hate with my biological family to join another with anyone. I've broken those bonds and signed it with my own blood and tears to never do it again.

That's me.

Boundaries and respect

In July, I'll have been in this house for a year. Though many have come and gone, I will feel a sense of accomplishment for surviving a year in dramaland. The new housemate does coke and has other strange behavior that could mean he has something mental going on. I recently expressed that I'm uncomfortable with a housemate on hard drugs, and the house manager agreed with me at first, but then turned around and decided to tell him not to do coke in the house anymore and that issue is ok. Some other behaviors, as well.

I'm looking for a new place to stay (again), but I already know that with my budget it's hard to find a place worth while, so I'm setting stricter boundaries with both of them. The house manger will not get away with ignoring my pronouns and identity anymore. The coke one is not allowed to contact me outside of text and note, because he feels like we should talk whenever he wants to talk whether or not I want to, and add he can talk for a long time. So now, he's only allowed to contact to me on platforms that are also document-able for future ref, if he shows more odd behavior. In-person is only for house meetings and phone calls are only for emergencies.

I dislike having to be this way, but it has to be done. Hopefully, I find an overall better place, but I'm conjuring up a back-up plan if I don't in due time.

Terrible Lies

When I saw younger I couldn't believe our government would do anything that would hurt us. I saw so trusting. I didn't believe anyone that people would trust to put in authority would do anything to hurt us... But, then I turned 13.