Self Sept Tarot Card Readings

Spiritual guidance spread:

representing a disassociation that can be overcome with passion and motivation. Way more a card about my relationships and art than anything career of money oriented.

Self-healing spread:

this bread represents how I have been defeated and disappointed with past relationships, so I feel the need to take charge and be dominant. the cards are pretty straightforward and how I need to change my behavior and be okay with disappointment, or know that the disappointments aren't as bad as I make them out to be. The sun at the end of the reading represents the happiness that I desire. alternatively; the reading could mean that I need to change the people around me and form new more satisfactory relationships. Maybe my current circle has become disinterested.

Money tarot card spread:

the card say that I'm creative and enthusiastic but also angry about money. I feel powerless in my situation and how I feel about money is that a luxury to have or I feel luxurious when having it. the lesson that I need to learn is to be more enthusiastic, open-minded, and just have more positive energy and general towards attracting running, as represented by the prince of wands upside down. the actions that need to be taken for financial success is represented by the Queen of pentacles. I need to think of money is more of joy and entertainment than something that I actually need to have, I guess? I'm taking the reading this more than just have a positive attitude. I feel like it's being suggested what kind of positive attitude I should have specifically, and things are in status.

Success tarot card spread:

I am represented as both motivated and creative and kind, and yet avoiding passion and slothfulness. the hidden factor that I need to be aware of is represented by the prince of Swords who represents a fiery passion, being well-educated, and being witty.

the card that represents many people are things that can help me is the Queen of Swords upside down, so maybe an adversary will inspire me to do better. Someone who is an older person, probably a woman that is very skilled. also accounting that the card is upside down, maybe someone who is mediocre that I feel I need to put in their place. the card that represents what I need to be successful as the heritage, who represents discipline.

Validation

I've been talking to people about what happened with my housemates, and in talking about it - I've come to terms with how I could have done things differently. I need to work on being my better person, for people I feel deserve it. I don't feel that way about this situation, however. I don't feel like these are people that deserve it. Maybe it's not so much their age, as much as it is the one person that knows how much drama has already been in this house, and intentionally and selfishly brought in another dramatic person.

 I've considered that maybe I would treat them differently if they were closer to my age group, but I probably wouldn't. After 2 years, maybe I would be where I am now because of everything that's already happened without the difference playing a part. All the while, I will admit their age is something factoring in. But, everything in it's place as it is now is exactly what it needs to be. I would hate imagine otherwise, where I would play into the drama for any reason outside of the circumstances in play. If it were anything else, I would still resolve to not be around this situation, because of what's happened to me and my experiences. Their age really doesn't matter - it's my age that matters. I take making it to 30 very seriously, and I know I don't want to be like them when I get old. I take my experiences very seriously, which is why I'm handling this differently. I can't leave one endless cycle of hate with my biological family to join another with anyone. I've broken those bonds and signed it with my own blood and tears to never do it again.

That's me.

So much

A lot of time has come past with a lot of events. I've joined and left fandoms. Fallen in and out of love with places and people. Joined and left communities - some communities even being shut down while we were having fun. I think I've grown a lot since my last blogger post (on the previous blog page), but a lot goes on in a person's 20s. I've become a dedicated traveler, which is a path that I know is going to get me where I want to be as a person.

I've tried over sites, but Blogger really is the best place for me to post my serious feelings. I want to keep track of them, because I want to keep in mind who I was to help me appreciate who I am. I've been through a lot, so far, and I know I have so much more to go. My personality and values are going to be the last things to change, but how I handle things always varies with a situation. I'm actually move serious than I have room to be, because I want o go with the flow. It makes thing easier, and I feel like it's the best path to keep me from being an angry person.

I'm coming to the point in my life where I'm coming to terms with my chooses, and I have to stop bashing myself for everything I do. So far, a lot of what I've done has gotten me where I want to be, but maybe not in the ideal situation that I would want to be WITHIN the bigger picture of it. I've gotten more into my spirituality and self-care. I still belly dance, but I've decided against making it a marketable skill (at least for now). Yoga, and those other things are still going on when they can. Due to recent conditions I haven't been able to get a lot of sleep or do self-care things, but even that has changed now and will change even more in the future.

I do more than just women's rights and LGBTQ rights, now-a-days. I focus on everything linking to racial justice - mass incarnation, Black Lives Matter, poverty, and so on. I also promote alternative/ self sustaining ways of living - squatting, permanent camping, earth-shares, etc. Many times I've considered traveling with a political theme, but it seems like that would disrupt the "going with the flow" thing. I keep from burning myself out by addressing matters as they come up, rather than walking around with everything on my back all at once.

And, still today... I'm very much still a bi and trans individual. I've become more proud of myself in a racial way. I use to be a very unhappy black person. Now, I'm a mildly discontent black person, but more so because how other people address me over how I address myself. Police brutality is the HEADWAYING issue, so it's show up and show out time for all the modern negros.

One recent theme that really been getting on my nerves - on a personal level, is when I say something about "my future wife" men really the need to make the interrogation with "or husband, you never know". First of all, I don't need to be corrected. What I said was right, and if I want your input I'll tell you what it is. Secondly, I'm not here for you to adjust for your amusement. Third, if you wouldn't do it to a men, don't to a woman/ female/ vagina wielder. Or, if you wouldn't do it to a hetero don't to it to a bi, gay, etc - or vise versa. Forth, with that attitude way would I want a husband. You're already showing me that men don't have any respect for me so why should I put up with that? I don't need someone with a penis to own property or sign documents. I'm not reproducing. I can lift and open my own things, and when I can't I have tools to help me. I basically don't need men, for the "purpose" of "being men". They're cool to hang out with, when they aren't being misogynists or any other kind of hate, just like any other non-male/ man person. That's all they mean to me. I'm still very sexually attracted to men, but that's nothing sexy about misogyny and the patriarchy.