The Minnesota Shuffle

The Minnesota Shuffle

Losing a place to live due to shady landlords, "Minnesota nice" - meaning passive-aggressive, manipulative, shady housemates, or getting the building bought from under you and the new owners taking over your lease, or you're a family getting kicked out with only a month notice which is the legal minimum requirement

Changing jobs due to management micromanaging, manipulative shady employers, ignorant coworkers.

June: MORE LIKE DEBT MONTH THAN PRIDE MONTH!

This June didn't really feel like pride month, but I feel like I'm very over it with white queers, and that had a lot to do with it. I also feel like the city wasn't as festive with their pride garb and paraphernalia, this year. this weekend is quiet though, because a lot of people went to New York City for the Stonewall 50th anniversary celebration.

and that's only got caught up in an avalanche of debt. My main bank account closed, I got turned over to collections by my side bank account. My new main bank account logged me out, because the funds from my side account didn't transfer over because of an order that was supposed to be canceled. It's really been one bad luck thing after another, with money. And it's all because of these institutions. I would have been better off if I just paid cash for everything that I did.

every step to my friends to send positive energy my way to get the money Gremlins off me, and I'm going to look up rituals and spells myself. as terrible as this all is, I'm trying not to stress out about it because there's nothing I can do without any income. I'm looking for a job, but I would rather start in August or September, and make content all summer and do what I can for my own business while I have time.

I'm also tired of all this rigmarole and bouncing between jobs. As much as I wanted to hang out here until the 2020 presidential election, this is more into my doubts of whether or not I'm going to make it. this experience has been very unnecessarily difficult, but has somehow balanced out to being incredibly easy and other things, that distort my view on how much it's worth it. and I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach, which I'm very thankful for. But my financial situation is too fragile and falls apart at any slight push, and it's be shady, manipulating employers that make it that way. I got to figure out a way to get out and stay out of this rat race.

Learning authoritarianism an early age

coming from caddo Parish, I had teachers that blatantly admitted that they didn't care about how they treated us because they had 10 years and couldn't be fired easily. I had teachers that openly held grudges against students. we were taught that respect wasn't earned, it was gained over time, regardless of what the person actually was or was actually doing.

I was tired authoritarianism, totalitarianism, and the true nature of our country's punishment culture by the people that did not understand that respect and trust by the people that they oversee is what should earn a person authority. in our society, people gain authority with a sheet of paper and their own peers and teachers, and not the people that they will be interacting with and their work field.

we need a stricter peer review criteria for teachers. We need stricter standards for the people that at most of the people that live here trust their children with for most of the day. Teachers and School staff need to be tested and judged by the people that they will be overseeing. They should not be able to just become teachers and school and education staff. they should have to get to know the students, be tested on their teaching style and temperament, and be time tested before allowing to start teaching classes with that age group. of course the parents should have more of a say when it comes to smaller children, but when it comes to teenagers, they should get to choose their teachers. that would promote more diversity and inclusivity, and tear down the hierarchy of intelligence that our society has wittingly built up from capitalism and Academia.

Digital Nomad set up?

I've been talking myself into setting up to be a digital Nomad for my next round of travels, in a few years.

I'm starting to order things now, and joining social groups, and seeing what works. it's all a matter of equipment and being able to generate money. Mostly remote jobs. I want to be able to afford hostels and hotels, or build personal relationships from a long distance so I'll have someone that I know that I can stay with when I visit a place, while I travel.

I'm probably not going to totally get out of shelters, I've been played dirty by couchsurfing hosts too many times. Of course, I've met great people and had times I wouldn't trade for anything! But the bad times made me wish I could afford a hostel or hotel, and I don't want to have to wish for that anymore. Also areas that are saturated with certain types of people that don't like certain types of people -like myself-, and I can't find a place to stay, and there are either no shelters or they're all closed by the time I've realized I'm in trouble.

At the core, I need to be able to afford emergency transportation and lodging, or a last-minute bus ticket to a different location. In thriving success, I want to be able to afford leisurely transportation and lodging, and really enjoy myself in comfort. Staying with someone I already know in a comfortable setting would also be grand!

Full transparency, there is some great shelters out there. What sucks is having to walk around with all your stuff all day, unless you find a place to hide it or the rare occasion the place you're staying has access to some sort of cheap or free lockers. And I can stand to stay in the shelter as bad as the Salvation Army one in Colorado Springs or Cleveland for a week. the shelters were people really worse off are the ones with the early turkeys. Some shelters in New Mexico have a curfew of 4 pm. a lot of places still have free food and a place to sit your stuff.

I've been wanting change for a long time, though. And I'm now in the right position in life to be able to make that happen. I'm not going to waste this opportunity! And I hope more opportunities open because of this!

Lower priority to CS

with my recent experiences with couchsurfing, I decided to lower my priorities to the commitment of this region. I know that every place is different, but the Midwest is cutting up too bad.

Someone blocked me for calling them boring. Someone I haven't spoken to in over a year blocked me when I joined a recent event, and I haven't spoken to them directly since that year. someone in a different city declined my stay because they asked me for my number, and I asked them what they were going to use it for. I didn't reject or accept the request, I just asked them why they needed my personal number. the person just said "to help couchsurfers connect", and then declined my stay request and said "best of luck". What the fuck kind of shady bullshit is that?

After my first meet up, I also learned not to go too far out of my way for anything. Almost 30 people RSVP for my event, and three people showed up. I already knew one of them beforehand, who was invited as a community member and a prior friend. I like to host things and hold space, so I'm still going to have meetups, but I'm not going to go too far from my comfort zone to do it, because people won't show up. Putting out a lot and not get getting nearly enough back. No where near breaking even for all my effort.

Before those events, some would offer to help me co-host events. And then ghosted me ON FACEBOOK. Where I could see that the person read my messages, and just didn't reply. I messaged them reaching out to see where they were at was helping me and they didn't respond until after I said I can take the hint and I'll leave them alone. I didn't even bother to read what they responded, because it doesn't matter how they feel. If they had communicated over the week I gave to respond, it wouldn't have gotten to that point.

These people just don't have any respect for other people's time and effort. not going to stop hanging out, because I want to be in the community. But it's been made clear that this region's community is not the right one for me. And I honestly wouldn't suggest them to anyone.

Needed time off

there was a three-day blizzard, and I was unwell for all three of those days. And oncoming cold, and leg pain going up and down stairs.

coincidentally, before this I decided that I needed to take a break from work. A well needed break from the bureaucracy and chaos. An objectively good change was made, but no other decisions were made around it, so it offset a lot of our functionality. I feel very thrown under the bus as an employee, for the changes that they made for only one purpose that threw most everything else off. after a few conversations and asking HR what's going on, I got sick of it. More literally than I thought! I left work a week ago thinking about how I should take a break, and then a blizzard and sickness and leg pains blow in! And I got my tax return, so if the sick time I put in for doesn't get approved, I won't be suffering. But I'll be pissed off nonetheless, for the sake of employee rights.

And it doesn't help that are standing supervisor try to guilt me And to come into work. Or talk down to me about calling in sick. maybe I would have been more considerate had that not happened, but that fuckary cemented my decision to call out. Of course, I emailed HR, because it's not my job to confront people directly. if they want to fire me because I make it clear I'm not putting up with any employment class bullshit, I can find another job. Hell, I may have already! and I still better get my sick time, because I filed for it before they fired me! (Honestly, I like my job. I'm not going to put up with bullshit, though.)

I've made a lot of little purchases, but I finally got a new backpack and tablet to replace the ones that got stolen. Ordered a new phone, for an upgrade! Got a new air bed to replace the one that broke, last year. And I ordered a phone stand and USB microphone! I'm going to make ASMR and other content with those! I'm looking forward to making higher-quality video content, as I'm hoping it will be a viable source of income! I hope that people will enjoy my content, and feel compelled to donate to something that gives them Joy! even though ASMR is the goal, this equipment will open up a lot of other opportunities. Maybe doing voice overs and other stuff that I have thought about doing! I'm just excited about all the new possibilities that I'll be able to produce in a more acceptable quality!

I don't have the mental health for men

Last night, I made a comment among those waves. I felt like I was talking more about relationships in general, and I didn't say anything about men in that context. But we did spend some of the night bashing man in different contexts. When I finally got home, being is exhausted from work is my coworkers, I had a very related dream.

I remember the dream with a lot of its details intact, but the details that are important are the ones where I got into a relationship with a YouTuber and felt him up but then felt bad about it. He even asked me if I was okay, and I said no. it's like I feel bad for having an attractive boyfriend, because I didn't know what to do with myself or him. And we were at some kind of event or something. Aside from a scene about living at work and workers rights, the went back out to the event. By the way, that part of the dream was celebrity casted.

and then one of my crushes from elementary and middle school came up with his best friend. I even remembered both of their names! And the guy that actually had a crush on was super hot! Buy video game standards, pun intended.it was weird. He had the same face, but his body was totally different. He was all unrealistically buff. And his friend looked normal. We had a short interaction, and we didn't touch each other.

Ever since that last abuser from some years ago, I haven't had any realistic notions of trying to date men again. I understand why the YouTuber came in, because it's very inconsequential to be in a crush type of relationship with someone behind a screen, where you get to know everything about them but they don't even know you exist. But pulling up my crush from Elementary and middle School was very out there! but that is an implication of the dreams realistic value, for sure. And maybe his friend being there had something to do with it. All I remember is how tight they were, even though I didn't really like the other dude because he had a much more stank attitude. But if he wasn't meant to be a part of the message, he wouldn't have been there. Maybe he would have, I don't know. Maybe they're together now, and him also being in my dream is a representation of their soul linking Bond.

I don't feel like I have a lot to think about when it comes to men though. There were no women or others and that related part of my dreams. I do have a social anxiety about men, because they're more likely to commit violence. And the heteropatriarchy dictates that violence is acceptable. I don't want the responsibility of dating a man. Fortunately, I have many more options to choose from, so I don't have to worry about any of that! If I ever even want to try dating, again, that is! The game is played out, and I've already accepted my fate. I'm not worried about it. It's just very interesting in telling. It answered a lot more questions than it asked.