I don't have the mental health for men

Last night, I made a comment among those waves. I felt like I was talking more about relationships in general, and I didn't say anything about men in that context. But we did spend some of the night bashing man in different contexts. When I finally got home, being is exhausted from work is my coworkers, I had a very related dream.

I remember the dream with a lot of its details intact, but the details that are important are the ones where I got into a relationship with a YouTuber and felt him up but then felt bad about it. He even asked me if I was okay, and I said no. it's like I feel bad for having an attractive boyfriend, because I didn't know what to do with myself or him. And we were at some kind of event or something. Aside from a scene about living at work and workers rights, the went back out to the event. By the way, that part of the dream was celebrity casted.

and then one of my crushes from elementary and middle school came up with his best friend. I even remembered both of their names! And the guy that actually had a crush on was super hot! Buy video game standards, pun intended.it was weird. He had the same face, but his body was totally different. He was all unrealistically buff. And his friend looked normal. We had a short interaction, and we didn't touch each other.

Ever since that last abuser from some years ago, I haven't had any realistic notions of trying to date men again. I understand why the YouTuber came in, because it's very inconsequential to be in a crush type of relationship with someone behind a screen, where you get to know everything about them but they don't even know you exist. But pulling up my crush from Elementary and middle School was very out there! but that is an implication of the dreams realistic value, for sure. And maybe his friend being there had something to do with it. All I remember is how tight they were, even though I didn't really like the other dude because he had a much more stank attitude. But if he wasn't meant to be a part of the message, he wouldn't have been there. Maybe he would have, I don't know. Maybe they're together now, and him also being in my dream is a representation of their soul linking Bond.

I don't feel like I have a lot to think about when it comes to men though. There were no women or others and that related part of my dreams. I do have a social anxiety about men, because they're more likely to commit violence. And the heteropatriarchy dictates that violence is acceptable. I don't want the responsibility of dating a man. Fortunately, I have many more options to choose from, so I don't have to worry about any of that! If I ever even want to try dating, again, that is! The game is played out, and I've already accepted my fate. I'm not worried about it. It's just very interesting in telling. It answered a lot more questions than it asked.

Theta: Overwhelming Righteous Boston

The people that offered the place and job reneged their offer. They originally said  it was for security issues because I left so quietly, but I don't believe that. I really think it was my attitude towards some of the behavior that goes on in the house, and the fact that those disrespectful kids had sex on the couch. There's also a past issue of someone else that they tried to help and ended up ripping them off.

I feel it's for the best. I was getting frustrated with the temp service operation and Boston's layout really pisses me off. And, I think I made it clear about how I feel about sexual behavior in my last post. I feel like things like that should be handled more discreetly when their are other people in close proximity. Don't have sex in the living room (more so when it's attached to someone else's sleeping area AND there are other guests in the same room with you), and close the door to your bedroom. If you're the loud type that can't be helped, but closing the door is an "at least we tried".

They said that they talked to the other roommates about the situation, but when I talked to the others 1 said they weren't told anything and they others only knew that I left but they didn't say anything about any "security issues", and didn't give the impression that they knew I was still allowed in the apartment but that I was leaving soon due to the change in decisions.

I don't like being lied to, but it's probably for the best. No more drama needs to happen in the house than need-be. I was told traffic in the house would deceased due to the security issues, but there are other behind that, if that's even a truth to go on. Not that matters to me, but it came up so it's to be addressed too.

Unfortunately, this is a host with a one sided view of the respect and boundary lines between guests and hosts. I didn't have the talk I usually have with my hosts about understanding that we are equal in the risks we take and getting their views on how general respect is handled. But, with the other things that went on I think I've seen and learned enough from their end. It's disappointing that I didn't get my end out in the open, but that doesn't matter now either. This host doesn't do a good job of getting to know their guests before unloading their ideals on them. It's what happens when the cause(s) take over.

I would like to think a need for slow down was seriously considered instead of being a cover up, but not everything that needs to be slowed down will be.

~

.Hack field titles recurring theme, now. I'm going to see if any keywords fro the real game series will ever apply to a post and use those. A little extra something for the .Hack fans and if you still have the games maybe visit those areas.