Hi Stranger (Original) - KIRSTEN LEPORE

Dream of current feelings and reality

I just had a dream that I was at my grandma's house and life was going somewhat normal, as it usually does when I have dreams in her house. But suddenly she was at a state in her Alzheimer's where she couldn't walk but she was still functional. I don't think that has anything to do with Alzheimer's, though. That process works differently, from what I witnessed.

Anyway, I suddenly had some white friends for whatever reason. And also is suddenly for some unexplained reason, Louisiana became a frozen tundra and people that were forced to evacuate. My friends were sitting there with me like they were waiting on something, but there were a lot of white people in spaceships Vehicles passing by and I was calling out for help and not only did not have them help me, but some of them turned and laughed at me for asking for help. As soon as I ask my friends for help, they suddenly responded and we suddenly had a functional vehicle that we could escape with ourselves. And they plan on coming back for my wheelchair-bound grandmother, even though the dream ended before that can happen. The last thing that happened was we drove off to see if we could get something to get her in the car or something. And I think my great-grandmother was there too, but she already froze to death. I think that was her. I'm not sure, though.

Firstly, I'm glad it's not another doing dream.

Secondly, I think I know what the universe is trying to tell me.

Third, I don't know why Sally is there. I never understand why I still dream about family members. I sure don't want to.

Liquor store end

Friday was my last day at Zipps Liquor store. I turned the drama up on a normal issue to give myself an out because of an event that happened earlier that day.

What happened was a very suddenly forced and sudden meeting with one of the owners about why Zipps isn't participating in the Jj Taylor strike. I was informed that only 2 businesses are taking a stance with the truck drives in the strike and they are still accepting Jj products. But, for the way it was brought up I feel like it was a condescending view on the businesses that vocally sided with the workers.

I was also told the Zipps is to mention a neutral stance in all political subjects because "we need everyone to feel comfortable shopping here". And, the manager specifically said - without any prompt - "people that are for or against abortion". With something as extreme as abortion being brought up as a subject, that would lead my train of thought to Zipps being comfortable with people in hate groups shopping there.

The real slap in the face was after all this that manager demanded that if a customer asks about the strike is that I reply "I don't know. Please ask the manager." How dare the employment class demand I speak on their behalf for their benefit. Zipps wants everyone to do the position they applied for and be housekeeping and security. Those are 2 completely different positions that we are forced to do without previous explaination to the positions with proper consent and are not being paid any extra for those other duties. As a cashier, I was only starting at $10 /hr with only a .50¢ increase after 90 days, but no other set raises after that. I was told by a former employee that they make raises hard to get and a person has to show major devotion to get a raise after that. Time being their after those first 90 days does not make a raise stable.

Zipps Liquor of Mlps MN is a crime against workers! This is why all jobs need unions! There's no such thing as being neutral! Everyone should do the job they have signed up and agreed to do, and nothing more. Security is a different position from the other jobs, so that should be it's own person. People should be paid a living wage, and if Zipps can't afford to they shouldn't be in business.

What filth...

I had a total meltdown on my housemates today. We were having a meeting and they told me they didn't like some of the rules I made. In general, I can deal with that and I can talk about why it's in place. But, for what I was going through, now was not the time to gang up on me about something they agreed to when they moved in.

And, they wanted to do a community graden in the front yard when I can't get anyone to pick up a towel and wipe off the counters. And, I want the front yard just to have a yard to enjoy. Those gardens hardly even grow anything.

But, they're lucky, because if I had been any less stressed I would have told them about themselves to absolute filth, on the spot.

But, what really threw me for a loop. What was really "game over" was when I was contesting to keep the front yard as is and the others wouldn't let it go and Has said "If it's communal, let's vote on it." I. WAS. LIVID. I said "fuck this," and stormed out slamming the door. I went for a walk to yell, and came back, packed my backpack and wrote a note saying "If y'all like _ so much, y'all can suck his dick!" And, when _ asked why I wrote that I went off about how I've done so much for the house and no one was supportive of my feelings and efforts. Previous people have been so shitty in this house and I don't know who's going to be shitty next, and everything I've set up is for a reason. The house manager would rather do anything but take on other interpersonal duties, and no one wants to do anything else and I do all the cleaning otherwise. Oh, but y'all wanna do a fucking graden? And, take up the space that I like, rather than put it in other places that are just as good? And, take away space from future housemates?

I have one person that spills food on themselves and doesn't clean it up when they stand up. One person that cooks and leaves a mess and dishes and leaves for days. The house manager and their partner's issue. Oh, but y'all wanna do a graden? In a spot that isn't even growing anything. And the one that spills food won't even be working on the graden.

These bitches right here... And, they say they're cool, but after what's happened why should I trust them? I can forgive but I don't forget. Everyday I get more reasons to resent Minnesotans. I might forgive Has one day, but I won't forget this.

The liquor store Chronicles part 1

On my first day:

Someone tried to have a conversation with me about my appearance.

Someone grabbed a handful of flight shots and ran for the door.

A person that I don't think was even a customer and my co-workers and supervisor made a scene out of someone panhandling outside the door. I might have gotten a glimpse into the window of how anti-human this establishment is. Not that it doesn't fit in with the rest of the capitalist model, but that is the biggest thing that made me the most uncomfortable about this job, and it's only my first day.

-

More on the panhandling-

Person: excuse me. I don't normally report people for panhandling, but this guy is out here with a story about his mom that just died.

Co worker: yeah. Unfortunately, it's not illegal but he can't be right outside of our door asking for change. That's inappropriate.

Person: yeah. He's out there talking about his mama, and you don't mess with Mama.

Me: (so we're fucking morality police wow in an establishment participating in killing the brain cells and poisoning the blood of other human beings?)

But when I think about it, I guess an anti Human his attitude is necessary to be able to sell people chemicals that have been proven to literally kill them or get them killed!

-

And apparently cashiering and so ableist people that have light sensitivity can't do it. I got fussed at about wearing Shades because it doesn't make me look "approachable and ready to serve". For some reason it's important to be able to see my eyes. I just don't feel the same way. If someone's working, then there's no confusion about that and you come up. I've never had a customer care about whether or not I'm wearing shades.

At least it was explained to me this time instead of being treating passive aggressive way.

Love Like Lo-fi - Steven Universe

Lucky!

The two weeks since I've been home have been very fast pace! Within the first few days I got my taxes done and a bike. A few days later, I got a job and my tax return! I'm not going to stick with this current job, but the other job opportunities are coming up very quickly! I've been hanging out with my well missed friends! Life has been a blast in the last 2 weeks!

I'm only disappointed that I didn't get any of the job stuff that I want it done. The places that I wanted to work for all booked up by the time I got back home. On the other hand, it's for the best for me to be able to make and attend My Health Care appointments. I don't have to worry about too much job stuff all at once and make time to get my check ups. I didn't waste any time jumping back into my vitamins and supplements routine. I also start doing my stretches, but I have to be more on top of doing them at least every other day. I want to do stretches every day, but it's a matter of remembering to. I definitely do stretches before I go for bike rides! And I know to maintain the bike before at least every other ride, but ideally before every ride!

Something I'm concerned about is the sudden violent and hateful thoughts I had soon after returning home. Things I hadn't remembered for over 3 months suddenly started rushing back and I was angry about them all over again. Things that are all in past experiences that I still feel very seriously about, but I was surprised at how freshly angry I was about them. I don't know if this means I have anger issues, but I'm not willing to rule it out.

I spent a lot of my vacation one-handed, but since I've been home and put on my wrist brace my hand has been feeling better. I'm still going to talk about it with my nurse practitioner, though. I'm also getting a new therapist! I'm really discouraged about going to the dentist since I have to go to the university now, but I know I should go... it's just frustrating to have to deal with the university. It would be great if I could go back to my previous Clinic.

Not having a menstrual cycle is great! I recently knowledge that I had major dysphoria around my menstruation, but not just to myself. This time I acknowledged it to a group of people and it makes more sense every time I say it and it's refreshing that other people know about it now. I will be continuing Depo shots for the foreseeable future.

Even though things didn't go exactly like I wanted them to with the employment situation, things went exactly as they needed to for everything else to work out. I'm satisfied with the way things are for now, and looking forward to the Great Wave of change that is coming up with the housemates in the near future!

That's all for now!