The Universe said...

I just ran my tarot, which is the only way to get me to calm down about all this. I can't say the Universe was just being nice to me. I know it is only honest. The Universe has told me that my heart is true and that I'm not wrong. I just have very unfortunate luck. I'm good at moving on and the obsticales in my way may very well be what I feel like my options are, in my ever changing position. It could also be related to how I feel about myself, and it doesn't look like my past trauma came up. That means it's not affecting me as much as I think it is, but I recount whenever things go wrong.

I have the building record that I have felt exists. Each expreince has been it's own, not tailed by anything. The love game is all about luck, and my luck is just bad. I can be less hard on myself now. Now, I can just cry about how unlucky I am, I guess. That's much better than believe I have the bad vibes of "mistakes" I've made in the past following me effecting my present and future. I still don't know what to do. If it's determined bad luck maybe I should stop trying to love out of knowing it won't work out. I can't change my luck. I'm still sad, but in a much less in a blaming others for what they've done or being self-hating for what I've done. Much less rueful and hateful reasons, for sure. I haven't made any mistakes. That's much more refreshing to know.

I guess that's it. I'll just stop trying.
That's it.
I'm dead.
No more.

(typed 4/4)