I use to feel very content with being alone and I preferred to be that way. I can feel my companionship hang ups subside as I feel the increasing desire for others to share my moments and memories with.
Love at first sight is all about appearance and preferences. It doesn't have anything to do with the person/s, themselves.
Animals are more dependent.
The person that I am, and the person that I want to be will always be different people. I want to abandon the desire for companionship, but I don't want it to be by hateful means. I usually express myself in such an angry, frustrated way - as to what I'm use to. I love people but I don't want them. I really don't understand it. I want everyone to be safe and happy, and banish the harmful people, but I would rather be overseeing them than with them. I would rather observe their happiness and harmony than be apart of it. I absolutely hate it when people are mean to each other, but I can handle it when people are mean to me. I wouldn't say I'm so quick to banish people for no reason. People that commit crimes against their fellow man should be banished, and it should be based directly on action and intention than morality.
I understand that I need people. And, in a need a want would make the need more rewarding, but it has turned into too much want. It became a thing that I got use to and mindlessly wanted more of. It kept getting me what I wanted, but I now want my wants to change. Others can really only help so much, and I can't be afraid to go out on my own. My only excuse is trying to get to know a new area in the easiest way possible, but I manage to get around when no one is willing to help me.
I need to dig through this dependent ego I've developed and get back into my own bubble what I truly believe is my role in this life. People are such a fun distraction, but I can put aside the pain with the joy to be the overseeing force I strive to be.
Do I appear rueful for being social?
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