I have failed you in every way

Another part of the reason why I took the rejection from the person I liked so harsh is that I changed nothing for them. I've been noticed to bring about change to those around me. I couldn't change anything for a person that I really cared about, and I'm so disappointed in myself. I just want to forget Boston ever happened.

On the other hand, I don't doubt that I needed for all that to happen, even though I don't like most of it. I met some great people, and I wouldn't take that back. The person that I expressed myself to didn't answer me, and someone I talked to said that a non-answer is an answer. It's dead. I accept that it's dead. Time to bury it. Pray over it and move on.

But, now I feel so useless. It feels like I'll never be able to help someone I care about and truly deserves my affection. Not all these other unworthy fucks I've had feelings for. Someone actually doing something with their life and has hopes and dreams and all that good admirable stuff. Of coruse, a part of me wants to quit and continue to be single and reject anymore romantic feelings, but I'm not going to quit this time. I'm sick of quitting when it comes to this part of my life. I'm going to keep trying and hope it works out. I'm going to accept the down time, though.

No hate

My time for Boston draws near. The person I told my feelings doesn't hate me, and I will continue to tease them while I'm here (as long as they're ok with it). I'm so sad that I have to leave them. I'm sad I couldn't help while I was here. It hurts to have a greater chance of never seeing them again. I'll leave something for them. I don't know if it's right to leave a note, but I'll leave a stone for them. Might even leave a whole necklace, with the likelihood that they won't wear it but the effort is worth way more than nothing.

As for the sexual one, I have resolved that we are indeed 2 sides of the same coin. We've only interrupted our traumatic events different. I can only hope that the person will seek out the help they need someday, instead of continuing the path of self destruction.

I don't feel like anything happened here. I don't feel like I helped anyone or made an impact. It maybe strange that I feel that way. I'm also sad that I couldn't help the person that I had come to care for.

~~~

This is the LAST post made in Boston! This is the end of the Boston era!