(Typed 4/2)
I blew on a certain social media site, again. Funny enough it was after saying I was going to post about sexy and sexual stuff. I sure enough posted about my sexual trauma, though I wouldn't call it "sexy". I'm going to make due on my word, but I've probably wrecked all my Boston connections with what I said. I'm find with that, too, as I won't be going back to stay there for any amount of time aside from a layover to somewhere else. And, I'll avoid that - if possible, too.
I had enough of my own shit, yesterday. I went off about my failed relationship past and how it's affecting how I'm acting now. I don't have any hopes for a romantic future. I have a poor track record only full of people that have no idea what respect is, and Boston was no different. The person ignores my feelings, but is ok with talking to me.
At this point, I'm just playing a self destructive game with myself. I have this dagger I like to pass to people. I call it "affection", and I give it to a special person and I trust them not to stab me with it. They do, and when it happens another piece of me gets torn away and dies. A day cometh when I will have passed this dagger enough to tear away and kill all of me. when there's nothing left, I will be numb. That is when I will be the person I want to be. Dejected, rejected, and wiser from it.
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