She should be glad it's over

I think about the last texting conversation with my bio-mother too much. I ultimately wish things didn't have to be this way, but I know I'm only hurting myself by thinking about it. No one in my family had a respected home with decent role models. The children were to be afraid of the adults, not actually respect them. Toxic relationships and DV at home went out into the world and birthed more violence to loop back into our world.

I was told to change myself because "I'm your mother". I was told that if I didn't do what someone wanted me to do that they wouldn't love me anymore, and I stopped loving that person right then. I've been teamed up on with my family members taking a strangers side to make me look bad.

I couldn't try to make anything work, because I didn't know what that meant or what functional relationships looked like in a family. I only saw them on tv, but I glad I had that - to know they exist. And, I started questioning WHY is it my responsibility to make anything "work"? So, I stopped trying with them, because it's not responsibility to take on someone else's damage. And, I left them behind. Very reluctantly. I would rather not have done it. Why couldn't I have been born into a loving, stable household? Surrounded by unconditional love, with dignity, honesty, and self respect as headlining morales and values? People that aren't afraid of, and even embrace, change would have been better suited for me.

But, I was giving broken humans that were far too damaged to be put down together. Really, I doubt they wanted to be together. They never did anything outside of their own realm and continuously made the same mistakes. Too afraid of change to every do the right thing. But, did they even know what the right thing was? I wonder, even though their action were clear answers.

And, I had more that I wanted to say to my bio-mother, but I didn't want to drag it out. Of course, I wanted to go into detail about how hurt I was about everything that happened! But, I know better than to feed into her game, and I said I would never do it again, and I'm a better person for it. I blocked her number without reading the last message she sent and deleted it. The last words she'll have from me: "It's long since been over, and you should be glad it over, after all the stress I caused you. I don't want anything else from you, Debra."