Vicarious

Someone once outwardly told me that they wanted to live vicariously through me, as a traveler. I was a little creepy by it, but I had sympathy for the person and their situation. As we got to know each other, my sympathy lessened and my wariness of the person increased. That aside, it's the feeling that goes along with the idea. It is really a good intended thing to want to do something through someone else, not even by real proxy?

Once upon a time, I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with someone because I know that a way to get aura to rub off on someone is to make it a literal thing. They rejected me (, and I'm glad they did) and I turned jealous of their luck. They had other factors working for them, however - they are a heterosexual, tall, college educated, white male - my antithesis. It also dawned on me that I would not be as privileged as many of my traveling counterparts, but for some reason THAT really hit me. I've heard of white travelers getting rides where as colored travelers have a much harder time, and have to work harder to be able to get traveling tickets. I've mostly traveled by bus, and of my own conviction for the sake of my safety. I also have to worry about myself as a female. At least if some freak tries to attack me on a bus I will have the opportunity to publicly humiliate someone with me being in the right. I'll do my best to beat the shit out of them, as well.

Now-a-days, I've opened myself up to rideshare options. Having to buy a ticket all the time is taxing, and since I know I will beat the fuck out of someone if they try anything I'm very secure with myself in the situation. It's all about the instincts to feel out a situation, though. If anyone gives someone any red flags that means don't do it. It's a learned behavior for many but I hope everyone isn't put in such a dire situation that means they wouldn't be able to come back from it. There's also the traveling safety measures - take pictures of the plates and contact trusted people on who you're with and where you're going. You can even go with the "If you don't hear back from me in this amount of time call the cops/ other trusted persons". I'm also carrying more than my hand-to-hand skills as a weapon.

I don't see why anyone would want that, though. Why life through a person with such insecurities and standards? I choose the hard way of doing this; I know there are much more privileged travelers but whatever means they've come by. Have a vehicle gives them more privilege over me, and also more responsibility with said accessibility. Why want to do anything by proxy of someone at the bottom of the social food chain? It logical for me to envy someone at the top, but what do you gain from admiring someone at the bottom? I just can'[t understand.