talking to supportive people

hard to believe I didn't make a blog entry about this, but few weeks ago I talk to my spirit mom. Someone has been very supportive of all of my foolish antics! We mostly talked about politics, because I didn't have much life updates oh, but they was something uplifting about talking to her, just as a like-minded positive force. 

talking to her really brought about a breath of fresh air that I didn't even know it's hidden. I suddenly abandoned the self-imposed stress that I was putting on myself of how I feel like I should stay in Minneapolis through some Universal responsibility. I have ultimately decided to stop racking my brain, and stay here until after the election next year, but I feel much less forced about it. much less stressed out about my decision, because at first I felt like I was stuck. But now I know that I consensually want to be here for a list of other reasons. I was put on this planet, in this life to party, and anything that gets in the way of my party is in the way of My overall livelihood! So I'm going to continue to be adventurous and party hard. I don't owe anyone anything, especially not my time or health. Somehow talking to her about politics with suddenly better than talking to my therapist. Not that I'm going to stop seeing my therapist, but I just felt so much better hearing her voice. I really can't explain it with words. It was all something I felt!

when I talked to her some weeks ago, the job trainings that I just posted about we're nowhere on my radar. I'm hoping that in a few more weeks I'll have more exciting things to talk about that are actually going on in my life instead of the distraction of politics. with or without a job, the job training will be very useful. And having more skills might do more to change my perspective.

Speaking of prospective, I'm very thankful to have a roof over my head and live with people that don't fight or starting drama with me. But there's a lot of drama that goes on between them that rubs off and how they communicate with me. And they also have their own mental health issues that affect their communication. things are difficult here, some of it due to mental health, and some of it due to very obvious choices. Recently there was a housemate that was using a broken can opener and leaving the cans have cut with the cut part of which is the very obvious sharp objects safety hazard. And of course they were leaving me the objects in a shared refrigerator. 

The first time they did it, I cut myself on it because I didn't think to try to use a knife to pry it open. The second time they did it I knew that they were too comfortable with the safety hazard so I had to send them an email asking them to stop. But Me being the adult that I am is very frustrated that any other adult would think that's acceptable, in the first place. there's common sense, and then there's identifying potentially dangerous situations. We should all know that sharp objects and rigid edges produce potentially dangerous situations. No matter what your background is; no matter what culture you grew up in. There is nowhere in this world that I know of where sharp objects don't  mean (potential) danger. 

I read my Tarot on being able to move out different housemates, and the cards that are saying that I'm stuck where I am. The part of me wants to see if I can live alone again. If I really wanted to, I would make it work. But I don't, because when I'm alone every little noise freaks me out. I love being able to walk around the house naked, but is it worth the anxiety attack I have every 5 seconds from every random Creek and snap?

I can function better with the idea of this is where I'm supposed to be. I know how to handle them for now. even though it's frustrating that I have to address things that I feel it basic, it's better to address them than to let them sit and rot on my mind and emotions. and I'm hoping that these new skills from the trainings will open up my opportunities in the to where I don't have to worry about getting a job when I decide to move to a new area. I'm still looking at Madison Wisconsin. being the traveling forklift driver sounds way cooler than being a traveling dishwasher, for me!

I trust that they're better housemates out me out there for me in different states. It's up to me to get out of Minnesota and find them! and if I can find a place that's as open-minded as Minneapolis, with little to no passive aggressiveness and less brutal Winters and Summers that's even better! an actual affordable housing, and communities that are active in fighting against gentrification!

Dream of current feelings and reality

I just had a dream that I was at my grandma's house and life was going somewhat normal, as it usually does when I have dreams in her house. But suddenly she was at a state in her Alzheimer's where she couldn't walk but she was still functional. I don't think that has anything to do with Alzheimer's, though. That process works differently, from what I witnessed.

Anyway, I suddenly had some white friends for whatever reason. And also is suddenly for some unexplained reason, Louisiana became a frozen tundra and people that were forced to evacuate. My friends were sitting there with me like they were waiting on something, but there were a lot of white people in spaceships Vehicles passing by and I was calling out for help and not only did not have them help me, but some of them turned and laughed at me for asking for help. As soon as I ask my friends for help, they suddenly responded and we suddenly had a functional vehicle that we could escape with ourselves. And they plan on coming back for my wheelchair-bound grandmother, even though the dream ended before that can happen. The last thing that happened was we drove off to see if we could get something to get her in the car or something. And I think my great-grandmother was there too, but she already froze to death. I think that was her. I'm not sure, though.

Firstly, I'm glad it's not another doing dream.

Secondly, I think I know what the universe is trying to tell me.

Third, I don't know why Sally is there. I never understand why I still dream about family members. I sure don't want to.

Moving around!// Fuck DA Police!

The housemate and I have had not one, but 2 fights since I last posted! One via text, and one face-to-face. I told the house manager we hate each other now, so we should both leave, and it's agreed upon. The little room has a new person in it as of today, and I'll by out by mid-April. I'm trying to be out on the 6th, which is payday.

The soon-to-be-ex-housemate has been busy trying to shame me in a group of people that already think I'm garbage. She has no influence or persuasive skills, so all she can do is yell into an echo chamber. In other words, maybe an annoyance but no threat what so ever. She can only demonize me to people I dislike, so no one of value.

I met some cool people looking to make a house with each other. I'll be a stranger living with a group of 3 friends, with the encouragement to come a friend, as well. We're all looking for a house, and they want a place by May, but I can wait until August. We're all on the same page about what we want, which is fantastic! I feel like we will all get along nicely, to live together. Now, it's meeting the 3rd of the trio that's the task.

In the meantime, I'm chilling at the house getting my stuff together and looking for where I'm going to crash and store my stuff. I'm glad the new housemate is already here, as they are coming from an uncomfortable situation.

~

Work with kind of  ruff today. All was normal until the pigs rushed in looking for someone and were aggressive to everyone. They even shock down someone in the dining room area, and I thought shit was going to get ugly. It distressed some of the costumers and the managers had to come out to get the oinkers to tell them why they were there. I was really upset and the customers had my back, and cheered me up, and I was able to calm down. I really hate the police and I don't want them in the store, at all. I don't want them, at all! We need to abolish the police! They kill people of color and the poor. The beat up queers. The rape trans people. The terrorize rape victims! Let's just get rid of them!