where I'm at as of right now

It's suddenly really hitting me how I really helped out at smitten kitten. Not to say they couldn't do it without me, but there was a lot that I did and a lot more was going to do. 

I'm really frustrated by how all that got nuked by a poor white guy that doesn't even have a car, just because their trans. 

In my opinion, what happened with Badger is a great example on how white people and black people with the same mental illnesses can be treated differently. It's usually talked about with autism, but in this case Badger and I both have C PTSD, and Badger's trauma definitely got more validity than mine did. 

I was the one who gave that guy the housing for him to be able to start getting on back on his feet after their ex put most of their stuff on the front lawn. I got that kid off of their bestie's couch. And I got them on at volunteering at smitten kitten. And all of this is the thanks I get for that. I worked myself into a grief triggered eating disorder over all this shit!

I'm not going to allow my contributions to be erased over someone who is IN MY OPINION a cry baby that has access to all the pity from their white peers with no car, no job, and can't maintain any healthy relationships. Being surrounded by enablers isn't healthy. 

Fuck Badger and I shed that version of me that gave them kindness. Begone that version of me that wanted to do everything for them and wish them well. I am now putting that energy into myself. 

I also redirect that energy that I put into SK and that I was willing to put into SK back into myself as well. They've also shown they don't deserve my loyalty or well wishing. 

The best I once wished for them, I now wish for myself. 

『I』『'』『M』 『T』『A』『K』『I』『N』『G』 『M』『Y』 『F』『U』『C』『K』『I』『N』『G』 『E』『N』『E』『R』『G』『Y』 『B』『A』『C』『K』

≋I≋'≋M≋ ≋T≋A≋K≋I≋N≋G≋ ≋M≋Y≋ ≋F≋U≋C≋K≋I≋N≋G≋ ≋E≋N≋E≋R≋G≋Y≋ ≋B≋A≋C≋K≋

░I░'░M░ ░T░A░K░I░N░G░ ░M░Y░ ░F░U░C░K░I░N░G░ ░E░N░E░R░G░Y░ ░B░A░C░K░

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ I'M TAKING MY FUCKING ENERGY BACK ♥

Ⓘ    '⃝Ⓜ ⓉⒶⓀⒾⓃⒼ ⓂⓎ ⒻⓊⒸⓀⒾⓃⒼ ⒺⓃⒺⓇⒼⓎ ⒷⒶⒸⓀ

🅸'🅼 🆃🅰🅺🅸🅽🅶 🅼🆈 🅵🆄🅲🅺🅸🅽🅶 🅴🅽🅴🆁🅶🆈 🅱🅰🅲🅺

🄸'🄼 🅃🄰🄺🄸🄽🄶 🄼🅈 🄵🅄🄲🄺🄸🄽🄶 🄴🄽🄴🅁🄶🅈 🄱🄰🄲🄺

I deserve that energy, not them ❕

I'm okay with people who have wronged me and my oppressors ✨suffering ✨ ‼️

Meanwhile, my energy will very selfishly go to myself in love, protection, and productivity. And I will go forward doing a better job of nurturing my inner circles. I deserve my best and the people who haven't stabbed me in the back and fucked me over deserve my best. 🤎🖤🙇🏾