Digital Nomad set up?

I've been talking myself into setting up to be a digital Nomad for my next round of travels, in a few years.

I'm starting to order things now, and joining social groups, and seeing what works. it's all a matter of equipment and being able to generate money. Mostly remote jobs. I want to be able to afford hostels and hotels, or build personal relationships from a long distance so I'll have someone that I know that I can stay with when I visit a place, while I travel.

I'm probably not going to totally get out of shelters, I've been played dirty by couchsurfing hosts too many times. Of course, I've met great people and had times I wouldn't trade for anything! But the bad times made me wish I could afford a hostel or hotel, and I don't want to have to wish for that anymore. Also areas that are saturated with certain types of people that don't like certain types of people -like myself-, and I can't find a place to stay, and there are either no shelters or they're all closed by the time I've realized I'm in trouble.

At the core, I need to be able to afford emergency transportation and lodging, or a last-minute bus ticket to a different location. In thriving success, I want to be able to afford leisurely transportation and lodging, and really enjoy myself in comfort. Staying with someone I already know in a comfortable setting would also be grand!

Full transparency, there is some great shelters out there. What sucks is having to walk around with all your stuff all day, unless you find a place to hide it or the rare occasion the place you're staying has access to some sort of cheap or free lockers. And I can stand to stay in the shelter as bad as the Salvation Army one in Colorado Springs or Cleveland for a week. the shelters were people really worse off are the ones with the early turkeys. Some shelters in New Mexico have a curfew of 4 pm. a lot of places still have free food and a place to sit your stuff.

I've been wanting change for a long time, though. And I'm now in the right position in life to be able to make that happen. I'm not going to waste this opportunity! And I hope more opportunities open because of this!

Lower priority to CS

with my recent experiences with couchsurfing, I decided to lower my priorities to the commitment of this region. I know that every place is different, but the Midwest is cutting up too bad.

Someone blocked me for calling them boring. Someone I haven't spoken to in over a year blocked me when I joined a recent event, and I haven't spoken to them directly since that year. someone in a different city declined my stay because they asked me for my number, and I asked them what they were going to use it for. I didn't reject or accept the request, I just asked them why they needed my personal number. the person just said "to help couchsurfers connect", and then declined my stay request and said "best of luck". What the fuck kind of shady bullshit is that?

After my first meet up, I also learned not to go too far out of my way for anything. Almost 30 people RSVP for my event, and three people showed up. I already knew one of them beforehand, who was invited as a community member and a prior friend. I like to host things and hold space, so I'm still going to have meetups, but I'm not going to go too far from my comfort zone to do it, because people won't show up. Putting out a lot and not get getting nearly enough back. No where near breaking even for all my effort.

Before those events, some would offer to help me co-host events. And then ghosted me ON FACEBOOK. Where I could see that the person read my messages, and just didn't reply. I messaged them reaching out to see where they were at was helping me and they didn't respond until after I said I can take the hint and I'll leave them alone. I didn't even bother to read what they responded, because it doesn't matter how they feel. If they had communicated over the week I gave to respond, it wouldn't have gotten to that point.

These people just don't have any respect for other people's time and effort. not going to stop hanging out, because I want to be in the community. But it's been made clear that this region's community is not the right one for me. And I honestly wouldn't suggest them to anyone.

Needed time off

there was a three-day blizzard, and I was unwell for all three of those days. And oncoming cold, and leg pain going up and down stairs.

coincidentally, before this I decided that I needed to take a break from work. A well needed break from the bureaucracy and chaos. An objectively good change was made, but no other decisions were made around it, so it offset a lot of our functionality. I feel very thrown under the bus as an employee, for the changes that they made for only one purpose that threw most everything else off. after a few conversations and asking HR what's going on, I got sick of it. More literally than I thought! I left work a week ago thinking about how I should take a break, and then a blizzard and sickness and leg pains blow in! And I got my tax return, so if the sick time I put in for doesn't get approved, I won't be suffering. But I'll be pissed off nonetheless, for the sake of employee rights.

And it doesn't help that are standing supervisor try to guilt me And to come into work. Or talk down to me about calling in sick. maybe I would have been more considerate had that not happened, but that fuckary cemented my decision to call out. Of course, I emailed HR, because it's not my job to confront people directly. if they want to fire me because I make it clear I'm not putting up with any employment class bullshit, I can find another job. Hell, I may have already! and I still better get my sick time, because I filed for it before they fired me! (Honestly, I like my job. I'm not going to put up with bullshit, though.)

I've made a lot of little purchases, but I finally got a new backpack and tablet to replace the ones that got stolen. Ordered a new phone, for an upgrade! Got a new air bed to replace the one that broke, last year. And I ordered a phone stand and USB microphone! I'm going to make ASMR and other content with those! I'm looking forward to making higher-quality video content, as I'm hoping it will be a viable source of income! I hope that people will enjoy my content, and feel compelled to donate to something that gives them Joy! even though ASMR is the goal, this equipment will open up a lot of other opportunities. Maybe doing voice overs and other stuff that I have thought about doing! I'm just excited about all the new possibilities that I'll be able to produce in a more acceptable quality!

I don't have the mental health for men

Last night, I made a comment among those waves. I felt like I was talking more about relationships in general, and I didn't say anything about men in that context. But we did spend some of the night bashing man in different contexts. When I finally got home, being is exhausted from work is my coworkers, I had a very related dream.

I remember the dream with a lot of its details intact, but the details that are important are the ones where I got into a relationship with a YouTuber and felt him up but then felt bad about it. He even asked me if I was okay, and I said no. it's like I feel bad for having an attractive boyfriend, because I didn't know what to do with myself or him. And we were at some kind of event or something. Aside from a scene about living at work and workers rights, the went back out to the event. By the way, that part of the dream was celebrity casted.

and then one of my crushes from elementary and middle school came up with his best friend. I even remembered both of their names! And the guy that actually had a crush on was super hot! Buy video game standards, pun intended.it was weird. He had the same face, but his body was totally different. He was all unrealistically buff. And his friend looked normal. We had a short interaction, and we didn't touch each other.

Ever since that last abuser from some years ago, I haven't had any realistic notions of trying to date men again. I understand why the YouTuber came in, because it's very inconsequential to be in a crush type of relationship with someone behind a screen, where you get to know everything about them but they don't even know you exist. But pulling up my crush from Elementary and middle School was very out there! but that is an implication of the dreams realistic value, for sure. And maybe his friend being there had something to do with it. All I remember is how tight they were, even though I didn't really like the other dude because he had a much more stank attitude. But if he wasn't meant to be a part of the message, he wouldn't have been there. Maybe he would have, I don't know. Maybe they're together now, and him also being in my dream is a representation of their soul linking Bond.

I don't feel like I have a lot to think about when it comes to men though. There were no women or others and that related part of my dreams. I do have a social anxiety about men, because they're more likely to commit violence. And the heteropatriarchy dictates that violence is acceptable. I don't want the responsibility of dating a man. Fortunately, I have many more options to choose from, so I don't have to worry about any of that! If I ever even want to try dating, again, that is! The game is played out, and I've already accepted my fate. I'm not worried about it. It's just very interesting in telling. It answered a lot more questions than it asked.

Speak of the devil

Today, I saw one of the people from 2619. If was in traffic passing, so no chance for confrontation, and the fool probably didn't recognize me. When I realized it was him, I laughed.

And I didn't feel angry. I felt empowered! I'm in a better house, now. with more caring, and compassionate housemates. I have a safer job that has guaranteed pay and benefits. I have my health, and a much better relationship with myself and the others around me.

I actually felt myself pitying him, for a brief moment. But, as always, he got himself into the situation that he's in now. I won't waste such feelings on insistent fools.

For a while, I wished for his death. Now, I can see that he's already dead.

Getting over 2619 (w/ Bennett Foddy)

I haven't seen my therapist and weeks, but I'm flushing out my feelings on various platforms, including talking to people in person. I feel myself starting to come down from the anger of what happened at my previous house. As I'm coming down from how I think about it, I'm starting to have violent dreams about the people I interacted with. I don't have any guilt to address, we're just having pity arguments that escalate. I guess that's a part of my emotional detox, but I am still on the path of changing my thinking. Those old people are invested in a crumbling platform. Broken relationships, built off of toxic intentions, and a house that can literally collapse at any moment due to the offset foundation. The most I think about it now is how much more it would convenient it would be to get to and from work on Lake Street. But now I think about it in terms of not willing to sacrifice convenience for peace.

I have peace in the home that I am residing in now, and I hope to have peace in my next location. and the convenience of getting to and from work wouldn't do me any good, if I were injured or died in a collapsed house. I wouldn't be able to focus at work with all the drama going on at the house. I want work to be work, not an escape from other tensions. I didn't feel like I came out a winner, initially, but I know that I did, and I'm going to start acting like it. I was forced out of a dysfunctional situation with toxic people, in a soon-to-be dilapidated house. and I was forced out, after I made the very poor personal decision of trying to be dedicated to it, so it's clear that the Universe has other plans for my mental, physical, emotional, and financial well-being.

On the subject of work, I've been going in less due to the weather. I've picked up on some of my former better habits of meditation, burning sage and incense, drinking more water, and doing my stretches more regularly. I've added on getting massages. I've also picked up some great detox teas!

It's also become apparent that my job is not a very reliable source of income, so I'm branching out to consider other forms of income. right now, the ideas to invest more in my art, and hopefully be able to monetize that and do commissions. More monetization of products, than personal commissions. I also might try to get in on that YouTube money - that apparently no one is making these days and everyone's going to patreon! of course, I have no intention of silly depending on YouTube, if I decide to do that. With its ad monetization flaws, censorship demonetization, and so many other political and social issues. I think my art is the best route, but the two routes that I've thought of our way better routes than depending on an inconsistent work and client flow.

Hopefully, the ups will keep going up.

"Don't nobody wanna know no gay people."

I don't remember the exact conversation that brought this about, but it's something that my biological mother said that really stuck with me. It was one of the early moments that I knew would bring me to the point of where I am now with disowning her.

And I thought it was really hypocritical of her to say with two of her "best friends" being gay. And two of her most successful friends by what I can measure. But, nobody wants to know gay people. I was legitimately hurt by that, for reasons that I didn't understand why the child.

She also tricked herself into believing that I thought that same-sex couples were absolved from being toxic and abusive. I asked her why she thought I thought that, and she couldn't even answer. She something like "avoiding men doesn't mean avoiding abuse." I'm thinking that this is back when I had a girlfriend. I had to shut her down really hard, because she was the one saying that stuff, and trying to make it seem like I said it or believed it. Even though I don't remember exactly what was said, I actually remember exactly what brought on this conversation. She found out that one of her co-workers wife was abusive. The co-worker's wife was a police officer, so I immediately went into fuck the police mode and told my mother that of course she was abusive because she was a fucking pig. Of course, my mother was taken aback by that, first. But, then I had to Point blank tell her that her accusation is fabricated from a self infliction of deep ignorance and homophobia. Of course, I didn't say it that eloquently but that's the long story short of what I said. And I told her that the conversation was over because it was pointless. And, that was the end of that.

I have to say, I gained a lot of skills from learning how to put my foot down with people that society says I'm supposed to be able to trust, first. And back then, I really wanted to believe that lie. But, blanket statements don't work like that. It's easy to reject strangers, people I know, in friends when I have rejected my entire flesh and blood. Flesh and blood meaning absolutely nothing in the long or short run. Except for my medical history - speaking logically.

Don't nobody wanna know no abusers.

Don't nobody wanna know no homophobes.

And, now I don't know you. Guess you got whatcha wanted.