pumpkin spice forklift driver!

I've been getting my basic bitch on with pumpkin spice latte mix and pumpkin spice hot cocoa mix! I have a very happy sugar and carbs filled belly! every now and then I very briefly care about having a flat stomach, but pumpkin spice and chai lattes are too good! I would rather be proud of my flawed body. And I'm starting to think abs look good on other people but maybe not so much on me.

I've always cared more about being strong than looking good anyway. I'm going to start exercising more in the future, hopefully. I have a very long stretched out plan for how I'm going to do this:

First I'm going to do the warehouse training and equipment operations training at a local program. Then I'm going to get a job at one of these warehouses that usually pays almost $20 an hour depending on the position. And then I'm going to get the gym membership and have lyft money! And then I will be buff as fuck! I do enjoy working out and exercising a general. I don't much care for watching what I eat and stuff like that. but I will say that when I have a normal exercise routine, I am more drawn towards healthier foods and less alcoholic behavior then otherwise. But the chai lattes aren't going anywhere!

I've been hanging out and partying hard very recently. Friends birthdays all piled up in one month. A very spooky month! And I do have Halloween plans. It's not a party, but a friend and I are going to go around and look at people's Halloween decorations! And we're going to go to another friend's house and watch scary movies!

Back to the warehouse stuff. The workshop and I'm going to is going to specifically teach me how to drive a forklift, scissor lift, Boom Lift, bobcat, and I'm going to get OSHA training. And the other workshop is going to teach me how to drive an excavator, a toolcat, and teach me computer basics. the flyer more specifically says computer self service is training. I have no idea what that means. It's probably a manager skill or something. I'm hoping I don't have to do the OSHA training twice, as both of the programs have the same 10 hours of OSHA training. 

Not only will whatever job I get with this help me come all my basic needs, but it'll be really tight if I could treat all of my friends did something spectacular on New year's day! And treat someone out to dinner and lunch on Valentine's day. And commissioned some more artist to draw my characters! And get the LG Stylo 5, because I'm officially sick of the Motorola E5 plus! But I do still like Virgin Mobile so I'm going to keep them. There's so much stuff I can do with enough money, and working in a warehouse I know I'll make it least $14 an hour. for what I'll be training in, I think that my maximum starting wage is $19 an hour in this area. 14 is the very least that I need, and 19 be more than enough! 

it's always a matter of getting a job that I like with a company I can stick with, where my co-workers aren't absolute garbage trash beings. and I know that warehouse settings is full of toxic masculinity and stuff like that, but I know the pen is mightier than the sword and I don't take any shit! one more queer black person on the team, and one less toxic heterosexual cisgender bro!

I'm looking forward to the future! Despite the near future being very cold!

The "men can't get raped" guy from a few years ago

Yesterday, at twin cities Zine fest, a person I met from a few years ago was there. This is one of many unfortunate people that I met at Minneapolis couch crash three or four years ago. This particular guy was an advocate for men not being able to be sexually assaulted, when -of course- A man was telling us about how he was sexually assaulted.

I'm glad I went to Madison couch crash, because if I had seen him without going I probably would have reacted differently. At the same time, he's really no one to remember. But I wanted to point out how withered he looked over just a few years since the last time I saw him. I don't know what he's been through, but he looked more almost 10 years older than the few years I saw him, and people around here are usually in pretty good health. Of course, health is also an individual thing.

it was kind of scary though. With him looking like that, I was thinking " Eww! how do I look?" Then again, I don't live in a world where I don't think men can get sexually assaulted, so it doesn't matter how I look!

Self Sept Tarot Card Readings

Spiritual guidance spread:

representing a disassociation that can be overcome with passion and motivation. Way more a card about my relationships and art than anything career of money oriented.

Self-healing spread:

this bread represents how I have been defeated and disappointed with past relationships, so I feel the need to take charge and be dominant. the cards are pretty straightforward and how I need to change my behavior and be okay with disappointment, or know that the disappointments aren't as bad as I make them out to be. The sun at the end of the reading represents the happiness that I desire. alternatively; the reading could mean that I need to change the people around me and form new more satisfactory relationships. Maybe my current circle has become disinterested.

Money tarot card spread:

the card say that I'm creative and enthusiastic but also angry about money. I feel powerless in my situation and how I feel about money is that a luxury to have or I feel luxurious when having it. the lesson that I need to learn is to be more enthusiastic, open-minded, and just have more positive energy and general towards attracting running, as represented by the prince of wands upside down. the actions that need to be taken for financial success is represented by the Queen of pentacles. I need to think of money is more of joy and entertainment than something that I actually need to have, I guess? I'm taking the reading this more than just have a positive attitude. I feel like it's being suggested what kind of positive attitude I should have specifically, and things are in status.

Success tarot card spread:

I am represented as both motivated and creative and kind, and yet avoiding passion and slothfulness. the hidden factor that I need to be aware of is represented by the prince of Swords who represents a fiery passion, being well-educated, and being witty.

the card that represents many people are things that can help me is the Queen of Swords upside down, so maybe an adversary will inspire me to do better. Someone who is an older person, probably a woman that is very skilled. also accounting that the card is upside down, maybe someone who is mediocre that I feel I need to put in their place. the card that represents what I need to be successful as the heritage, who represents discipline.

Trans man?

this happened a few days ago, but it took me a while to process it. Someone whose opinion I value very greatly did a video about how society stigmatizes men oh, and I really felt it. It was definitely the video that I was meant to watch. However, it added more stress and Trauma to the idea of binary transition to being a trans man. People already treat me a certain type of way for being black so adding the stigmatism of being a black man on to it makes such a decision very counterproductive to my actual personality and intentions and this lifetime.

I'm not worried about transphobia, or what my life is like before passing. I'm worried about what my life will be like after passing, if I commit to this decision. While being treated as a binary woman, there's some people that don't take me seriously or think I'm too bossy or aggressive. And honestly, I'm okay with that. I love burning people that only want to be around submissive personalities away from Me. Only the Strong will survive in my court! but in a lot of socio-political standpoints, I won't even get a chance to speak, because instead of not being taken seriously and people letting me in at least for window dressing, people won't want to let me in at all because they will be me as a threat. I know what it's like to feel like a threat, and how people react when they just want the threat to be neutralized and not listen to what they have deemed as a threat has to say.

No, is being treated like window-dressing detrimental? Of course, it is. Just because you're there doesn't mean you represented. I'm being ignored and used is really shity. But that's how you can use your platform for good. I've infiltrated many spaces under the guys that I'm harmless for being a female bodied person. sometimes, the thing that you're doing is just sitting there and listening, so you can go back and tell the others what's really going on, because sometimes they're counting on you being black also meaning that you're uneducated and that you don't have an opinion. And everyone in your social circles are the same way.

I know I won't get that as a black man, in most cases. And the few spaces I will be let into, I will be taken more seriously. But for the lack of social stealth, I would lose most of my functionality to the cause that I want to contribute to. maybe being a man would make me feel great, for whatever reason to myself. But, I don't know if I'm going to make the sacrifice of the spaces that I would lose access to.

A friend did suggest that if I feel strongly enough about it, but I wanted to just try it out I could just start hormones. I can stop hormones at any time. I've just never heard of people stopping hormones before, because by the time they get to that point they've already decided to make the full commitment into a binary transition. But there are some people that sit on it for a long time, like myself. But you can be on hormones for years and still not commit to anything else, and stop hormones and the effects will eventually go away. I'm very considerate of it at this point oh, just to see what happens. Maybe I don't want to binary transition, and hormones will help me figure that out. I have a lot to consider, but it's comforting to know that I have options.

Fell off my bike and going out of town

A goddamn bee flew into the ear chinstrap of my helmet and I spilled on the pavement! Fortunately I had my backpack and helmet on, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. There was no traffic, so this was not the worst case scenario. My legs really hurt, I scraped my hand a little, but I completely lost my bike Bell.

it sucks that this is happening right before I go out of town. I hope that I'm not in too much pain, or else I'll have to cancel my trip to go to the hospital.

but I am looking forward to going out of town. Even though it's Madison Wisconsin, it would be great to meet some new people and see some different sites. I got hooked up with a host that lives close to downtown in most of the events that I'm going to attend, so it's pretty written in the stars for me to attend this event. I'm not looking forward to being stared at like a freak by white people, though.

No more collectors - update

It's been over a month since I heard from the debt collectors for the unfair debt, so I'm going to assume they swept it under the rug. I told them that I was unavailable without telling them who I am first, so they stop calling me. Play only reached out to me by mail once. I replied asking for the receipt with the debt, and never heard from them again.

as for the first collection agency that has been sighted for bad practice, they continue to call me for a few days after I repeatedly requested that they mail me the receipt of debt, but I haven't heard from them in weeks now. I honestly don't care about my credit being messed up. I just don't need strangers calling me, and I'm glad that I've learned the techniques to fend off debt collectors.

More debt collectors

I got turned over to another debt collection agency for a completely different issue, and I'm glad that I'm not biting my nails and pulling my hair over it. since it's from a debt that I believe is unfair, I might just have them chase me for years, and not pay it. They also have an area code manipulation system, which is already starting off their practice in bad faith. unfortunately for them, I'm a case where that backfires horribly. I intentionally keep my home area code with every new number, and I know that no one should know me from my home area code. So if they call me and they know me, let alone addressing me by my full name, I already know not to trust them.

as for the previous debt collectors, I requested proof of acquired debt, and proof of purchase and price. I basically asked for the receipt. They sent a copy of the claim item with it came from, but not the receipt. and I tried to get me to call a number instead of handling the business and writing, as I also requested. with these business practices, they're not going to get anywhere with me.

I did some research on that debt collections agency, and found out that they often commit very illegal Acts. They have cashed post dated check, which is very legal. And they money out of someone's business account without the person ever even have hearing about or from them before. they got the business information when one of the employees cashed a check at Walmart. They took the money out themselves without any sort of notice.

and my first contact with them over the phone, they told me that they check in every 7 to 10 business days. When filing a dispute, they're not supposed to contact you again for another 30 days. They were trying to trick me into calling them back, because maybe I would if I was expecting to hear from them and didn't. coming from an agency that claims to have all sorts of legality, any level dishonesty immediately puts the company in bad faith.

So I don't feel the least bit guilty about not paying them. these other people are going to see a dime either, if they don't give me what I asked for. I sent them the same request. I don't mind paying something if they're legit, but if they're scumbags like the first company - fuck them, too.